Cattle Prattle

My  husband thinks after 6 years of marriage, I should know all things cow related.  Here’s our conversation today (in a nutshell). 

Me:  I think I’ll get a mule.

Him:  Why?

Me:  Why not?

(pause)

Him:  I rode a mule once, it was a good sonab****

Me:  Isn’t a mule a cross between a horse and a donkey?

Him:  Yes

Me:  What are boy and girl mules called?

Him:  I think they’re called  Johns and Mollies. 

Me:  I thought they were jacks and jennys.   

Him:  Those are donkeys.  There are chickens and  roosters and hens.

Me:  (greatly confusticated, which is just my made up word, so don’t try to look for it in the dictionary.  You won’t find it.)  What’s the difference between a chicken and a hen?

 

Him:  Nothing.  That’s what I’m trying to say.  (He begins to use his hands, as I’m a visual learner.  He puts his hands together in a group)  There’s chickens.  (He checks in to make sure I’m following him) And then there are roosters (hands to the left) and hens (hands to the right).  Like there are people. (hands in a group) And there are men (hands to the left) and women (hands to the right).  

I’m catching on ever so slowly.  My glazed-over look is beginning to diminish with just a glimmer of spark returning to my eyes.  Then he continues:

Him:  There’s cattle. And then there are bulls and cows.

Me:  Don’t forget heifers and steers!

Him:  (closing his eyes and shaking his head)  That’s different. 

Me:  I’m confused.

Him:  I don’t understand why you don’t get this.

Two hours later and I’m  still scratching my head.

Never doubt there are awfully important conversations occurring in this household. 

World-changing conversations.

Just a few minutes he called to irately inform me that he cannot buy a 12 ounce aluminum can of Dr. Pepper at the Allsup’s convenience store.  They sell bottles in all sizes, and a six-pack of cans with a sign that reads “Do not break the 6=pack”,  but not a single serving can of Dr. Pepper is to be purchased.  So he went to a Taylor Mart convenience store and the same situation presented itself.  What is this world coming to? 

I think we’re heading to Washington to protest on the White House steps or march on the Pentagon.