I don’t like myself like this.
Days like today, when all I want to do is vomit hate, bitterness, rage, and tears all over my keyboard, I must restrain. I must filter.
My stable self says, Read your Bible, Count your Blessings, Breathe Deeply.
My irrational self says, Eat chocolate, Yell at the dog, Screw the world.
I must focus in order to let my stable self prevail.
Tonight I thought it might help if I found my gratitude journal. Oprah. I can’t stand her, but I learned about a gratitude journal when I used to watch her. Each day write down 5 things you are grateful for. I haven’t written in my journal in years, but I knew where to find it.
I rummaged through my closet looking for my gratitude journal and found my prayer box instead.
It contains prayers I wrote down from the year 1998.
I can’t share all of them because some reveal a very pathetic, desperate side of me and are much too personal.
This one is for my sister prayed on 7-2-98 “Dear Lord–please reward Jolea and John with a precious, beautiful, healthy child—-all in your time.
Two years later she was blessed with a daughter, and then two years after that, another. All in His time.
This one is asking for help in learning to say I’m sorry. It’s a work in progress. Pride is an ugly thing.
As I unfolded these papers one by one, I found prayers for marriages that were never restored.
Prayers for people whom I don’t even know or remember, but at the time, I believe they were on my heart for a reason.
There are prayers of loneliness, prayers for salvation, prayers of relationships, prayers for forgiveness, prayers for healing.
Some have been answered.
Some I’ll never know.
Some I’m still praying.
Like this one:
“That God will use me as a witness for Him”
As I look back on these prayers, I experience God’s sovereignty. His faithfulness. His forgiveness and love.
I am encouraged, my burdens are lifted, my heart is lighter. I even added two new ones tonight.
It’s funny. My mom always taught me never to put anything in writing.
Obviously, I didn’t listen.
I never found my gratitude journal in my closet. It doesn’t matter.
1. Thank you for my health.
2. Thank you for my husband and family
3. Thank you for my job.
4. Thank you for my salvation.
5. Thank you for always knowing best.
6. Thank you.
7. Thank you.
8. Thank you.
9. Thank you.
10. Thank you.
This was just what I needed to hear tonight! Sometimes we just need a reminder of all the wonderful blessings God has already given us!! Thanks Angel:)
Love you! You are so special.
I was impressed with all your pinked notes. Love
have been feeling a little overwhelmed lately too. Why can’t I just let go of all these burdens and give them to the Lord?
Thanks for your post, I’m saying a prayer for you tonight. Love ya!
Well I should have read your blog before I called and rambled on and on and on…..but thanks for listening….<3 ❤ ❤
I forget sometimes that I am blessed. It is easy to let the bitterness and hatred take over butthen I look around and tell Satan to get out of my head. I have been fighting this for a couple weeks.
Thanks for the reminder! I love the prayer box idea!!
don’t put anything in writing, lol. sounds just like her.
My thank you today is that I found your blog. You are such an inspiration! And a kindred spirit. May God bless you greatly and the ones who read as you put all sorts of things in writing. 🙂
This was so good, Angel!!! I have that same gratitude journal from when I used to like Oprah. I even think I know where it is. I’m doing a prayer journal now, so I can look back on it. Love the prayer box!! Thank you!
I thank you for your transperency and openness in sharing with us…..my mother, on the other hand, encouraged me to writed down things (especially when I was angry) before a confrontation,put it away and read it later and decide whether to confront or forget. My kids tease me about all my card and letter boxes….but never about my prayer box!!! I have boxes filled with letters that I have written in anger, but fortunately I resolved that anger in that outlet and prayer and never shared those ugly words except to The One who already saw my heart and gracefully healed it.
Again, thanks for showing us your “innards’!!! Love ya!!
Angel … another beautiful post! Sometimes it is just good to know that there are others feeling the same as we do! For many years now, I have had on my refridgerator door, a verse I copied down. It’s on an 8X11 sheet of paper so it doesn’t get lost among the magnets, the grocery lists and post it notes. It is the first thing I see every morning when I go to feed my ” little girls with fur” and I always pause and read it to try to put some perspective on my day. Happy Moments …Praise God; DIfficult Moments.. Seek God; Quiet Moments …Worship God; Painful Moments …Trust God; Every Moment …THANK GOD!
After many years of it being there, I still find comfort in reading it, and somedays the pups have to wait a few minutes while I read it more than once for reassurance. Gonna go now and find my gratitude journal (thanks for reminding me about that;)
I hope you have a great day and just be your wonderful self!!
Until next time …Donna
very uplifting, i really needed this today. thank you for posting.
This was wonderful. I’m always frustrated and flustered when I hear people say “God is good!” after their prayer was answered. The reality is – God answers prayers daily, and sometimes we don’t like the answer. Regardless, God is good! Your box of prayers is proof positive – if only because it helped you deal with a funky mood. A mood, by the way, we all experience every now and then. For me, it’s about every 28 days. (smile)
Thank you for sharing this post!
I have a prayer box. I also have a gratitude journal that I haven’t used in awhile either. You’ve inspired me to dig it out. Reflecting on one’s blessings can really change a mindset. This was an awesome post. Thank you for sharing!!
You are just the greatest person in the world….to me! I am so thankful that you are mine! Do you think that Bob and I had anything to do with the way you turned out? I wonder!
Love you sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo0 much!