This morning I had a fit. A wall-eyed, screaming MiMi, all-out tizzy fit. The ugliest kind you can imagine. Raised voice. Words that need to be beeped out. Irrational behavior. I might’ve even stomped my foot. Actually I’m pretty sure I stomped my foot. More than once. I don’t even know what triggered it. I have surmised either I have the absolute worst case of PMS ever recorded in the history of womanhood or I’m going crazy. If you think of all the crazy women in the world you’ve ever heard of and bundle them up in one person, that is who I’m becoming. It’s a bit unsettling.
On my car ride into work, knuckles white from gripping the steering wheel, tears pouring out of my freshly mascaraed eyes, I told God how mad I was. It was pretty much a one-sided conversation consisting of “I’M MAD! I’M MAD! I’M MAD!” How grateful I am that God forgives. He forgives even my anger toward HIM. His shoulders are big enough to handle me being upset with Him. I’ve apologized to both him and my unsuspecting husband who totally took the brunt of pent-up emotion. I gathered myself together and went to work.
I finished my work day without murdering any small children, which might be considered a miracle considering the morning I had. On the way out, I received a text from my husband informing me supper was on the bar, and I headed home. Headed home in the same car, on the same road, just a few hours later from the cry fest I had with my Lord. I never turn on my radio. There was a time in my past when I felt like music was life. If I was stranded on a deserted island and could have one electrical device, it would’ve been a radio. But now as I’m older, I very rarely listen to music or the radio. I have too much to think about instead. Today for some reason (read GOD here) I turned on the radio. Unbeknownst to me, it was programmed to a Christian station and the most beautiful song was playing. I’m including it here in case you want to have a listen. I hope you do.
The lyrics are beautiful and were exactly what I needed to hear. God knows. He always knows what we need.
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
And then, as if that wasn’t enough, I received a graduation announcement for a beautiful girl, a former 3rd grader of mine, and printed in it was this scripture, “God is within her; she will not fall; God will help her at the break of day.” Psalm 46:5
And that too was just what I needed to be reminded of.
And then, as if that wasn’t enough, supper was indeed on the bar.
My sweet husband does understand comfort food. A little Taco Villa, something a little sweet, and something a little salty. This is the food that brings me comfort; except for the Milano’s and other soft cookies, I think those are for him. I deserve rat poison, but instead I received love.
I find it unexplainably refreshing to know that even on days, weeks, months, when I act like a horse’s ass, my God is always good and my husband still loves me.
Now that’s something to sink my teeth into.