This morning I had a fit. A wall-eyed, screaming MiMi, all-out tizzy fit. The ugliest kind you can imagine. Raised voice. Words that need to be beeped out. Irrational behavior. I might’ve even stomped my foot. Actually I’m pretty sure I stomped my foot. More than once. I don’t even know what triggered it. I have surmised either I have the absolute worst case of PMS ever recorded in the history of womanhood or I’m going crazy. If you think of all the crazy women in the world you’ve ever heard of and bundle them up in one person, that is who I’m becoming. It’s a bit unsettling.
On my car ride into work, knuckles white from gripping the steering wheel, tears pouring out of my freshly mascaraed eyes, I told God how mad I was. It was pretty much a one-sided conversation consisting of “I’M MAD! I’M MAD! I’M MAD!” How grateful I am that God forgives. He forgives even my anger toward HIM. His shoulders are big enough to handle me being upset with Him. I’ve apologized to both him and my unsuspecting husband who totally took the brunt of pent-up emotion. I gathered myself together and went to work.
I finished my work day without murdering any small children, which might be considered a miracle considering the morning I had. On the way out, I received a text from my husband informing me supper was on the bar, and I headed home. Headed home in the same car, on the same road, just a few hours later from the cry fest I had with my Lord. I never turn on my radio. There was a time in my past when I felt like music was life. If I was stranded on a deserted island and could have one electrical device, it would’ve been a radio. But now as I’m older, I very rarely listen to music or the radio. I have too much to think about instead. Today for some reason (read GOD here) I turned on the radio. Unbeknownst to me, it was programmed to a Christian station and the most beautiful song was playing. I’m including it here in case you want to have a listen. I hope you do.
The lyrics are beautiful and were exactly what I needed to hear. God knows. He always knows what we need.
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
And then, as if that wasn’t enough, I received a graduation announcement for a beautiful girl, a former 3rd grader of mine, and printed in it was this scripture, “God is within her; she will not fall; God will help her at the break of day.” Psalm 46:5
And that too was just what I needed to be reminded of.
And then, as if that wasn’t enough, supper was indeed on the bar.
My sweet husband does understand comfort food. A little Taco Villa, something a little sweet, and something a little salty. This is the food that brings me comfort; except for the Milano’s and other soft cookies, I think those are for him. I deserve rat poison, but instead I received love.
I find it unexplainably refreshing to know that even on days, weeks, months, when I act like a horse’s ass, my God is always good and my husband still loves me.
Now that’s something to sink my teeth into.
Angel Wheeler 
That’s an awsome way to end a hard day. No cooking envolved. Wishing you a pleasant evening.
P.S. Have you though of adding ducks to your animal farm yet? Duck eggs are yummy! I’m thinking of starting w/2-3 ducks this summer once we move to the country FT.
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My niece is sort of allergic to eggs but the dr said she could eat duck eggs. She is begging me for a duck. Maybe down the road I will.
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Honest confession and a beautiful song – what a wonderful combination for a blog post. But I have to say that doesn’t look like dinner to me. 😉 Peace, Linda
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Hi Linda, thanks for stopping by. There’s a burrito in the taco villa sack. It was pretty good too.
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Love you!
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Love you too.
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I love you Angel!! You put into words what the majority of us are feeling or have at least felt from time to time.
You definitely need to thank God for the wonderful, understanding man in your life! I have one of those too and I know I take him for granted far too often!!
I hope tomorrow is a better day:)
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Oh Angie, I love you too.
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Hey, thanks Angel for your openess and your honesty and a reminder that we loved even during the times we are not so nice to be around! Special blessing to that darling hubby of yours for “hangin’ in there with ya’ through those times and not running “over the hill” like your daddy used to do now and then:)
I’m off now to go to Parables (our christian book and music store) to buy this beautiful CD! I’ll put it in my changer in the car and think of you every time it plays! Hope all is well now! Until next time … Donna H.
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Hey Angel, thanks for your openess and honesty and for reminding us that we are loved even when we are not so nice to be around! (hissy fits and screemin’mimi’s??? I thought I was the only person who said that;)!) And a special blessing to that darling hubby of yours for “hanging in there with ya” during those times and not runnin’ over the hill like your daddy used to do:) I’m off now to go to Parables ( the christian music and books store here ) to buy that beautiful CD! I’ll put it in the changer in my car and think of you every time it plays! Hope all is better now!!Until next time …. Donna H.
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That song is beautiful. I’m glad you liked it.
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Thank you for your honesty, Angel. I’m sure that was not the easiest blog you have ever written, but God will use your openess to speak to others. I know he has spoken to me. Love ya!
P.S. That meal would be perfect if there was a Dr. Pepper! Eat some for me!
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A dr pepper would make you so sick if you had one now. And believe it or not, I didn’t binge too bad.
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I loved this, Angel. We all have our yucky moments. How wonderful for you to change it around before sundown. You kept your eyes open, and you saw and acknowledged God’s presence, even within your grumblings. Good for you! And J Dub? Man, what a fine husband you have, my blogging friend!
~ Lenore
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My evening has been superb. I hate it when feeling that way. God is good and Helped me so much today.
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Sometimes I just need to SLEEP more, and then everything is better. =)
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Yes, sleep is huge to me too. Actually, sleep is my coping strategy. When I’m stressed, mad, frustrated, depressed, I go to bed. If my schedule allows it of course.
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I am so glad to know that I am not the only one that feels as if I were going “crazy” at times, and am so thankful that I have a God and a Hubby that are both sypathetic to my mood swings! Mandy told me she wanted me to sing this song a month or so ago and the first time I listened to it I cried… it is beautiful and it touched my heart so deeply! Thanks for sharing… and once again it was a pleasure to read!
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It is when we are honest with God with our feelings that he responds to us most deeply, as he did for you here. God expresses his love for us through our loved ones. Your husband is so sweet to you and so understanding. Love the dinner he fixed for you.
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Angel, I have had so many experiences just like your “radio” one. Amazing how God notices such detail. But I still get mad and don’t understand some of that big stuff… then I’m bombarded with detail things. Vicious circle. Good post. 🙂
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Thank you Angel for sharing. Beautiful song too!!!
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