It’s Halloween night and it’s a first for me.

It’s a first to not be trick or treating with my niece as she obviously has reached the stage where she’s outgrown it.  Or even worse, we’ve made her feel too old to partake in festivities.  I feel a little sad about that.  Do you remember the last time you trick or treated?  How old were you?  I remember being about 10 or 11.  My sister 2 years my senior, who felt too old, dressed me up as a hobo.  A fat, unshaven hobo.   She stuffed throw pillows from the couch in my shirt, mixed coffee grinds up to put on my face for a stubble, and walked the streets with me picking up my pillows and stuffing them back in my shirt all night, probably all the while longing to be dressed up herself.  I remember smelling that coffee  beard for the duration of the trick or treating episode and hating it. 

That was my last time dressing up, until Ashy.

We’ve had our fun.

Last year we dressed up as an apple and banana.

Although everyone thought she was a tomato. 

We tricked out our trunk and gave candy away at our church’s “Trunk or Treat”. 

And now this year, I find myself home alone, reminiscing yesteryear, wondering where the time has gone, while she is helping at the church’s Fall Festival.  No longer a trick or treater, but a full grown “helper” now.

   It’s also a first for me to not have any Halloween candy in my house.  Not one bite size Snickers bar, not a pixie stick, not even those gross little orange and black taffy candies in the black wrapper.  I live in the country, and I don’t expect the Trick or Treaters to come by ringing my doorbell, even if I had one.

It seems the years I was “having” to do Halloween, I dreaded every second of it:  the costumes, the make-up, the walking the streets, the fighting the traffic, the weather, the sore feet.  But now that it’s slipped me by, I’m feeling a bit melancholy, longing for it.  I’m experiencing those “auntie guilt feelings” of wishing we did more.  Wondering if Ash will look back on her years of Halloween and have fond memories.  Or will she only remember us prodding her to outgrow trick or treating.  For the silly reason of  it being a little kid holiday. Will she wish she’d had a few more years.

And then there’s next year.  This time next October 31st, we will have a 9 month old baby.  Of course, we’ll dress her as a pumpkin, a butterfly, a scarecrow, or something equally adorable and take her around showing her off, letting her have candy in order to rot her 2 little new bottom teeth.

And you can bet I’m going to make sure Ashy gets a costume by golly.  This little baby will be a great excuse for her to get a few more years in.