It seems my life stays in a constant state of adjustment.
Change happens. There’s no stopping it.
Some changes we create, and some changes just happen and we have no choice but to hold on with a white knuckle grip.
Although I’d like to be in charge of the change in my life, sometimes I prefer the latter. That way I can call it God or Fate or Providence or Destiny and in turn I can take no responsibility for the failures or disappointments that may come from it.
We all experience it, and change is not necessarily a bad thing. It’s perceived as such most of the time, but we must ask ourselves: really do we want to always remain the same person– in the same situations –working the same job –living in the same house– doing the same old things?
Yes!! Yes this girl screams! We do! I do! It’s much safer there and it doesn’t hurt.
But life just doesn’t work that way.
Over the past two years I’ve come face to face and heart to heart with
- the death of my dad (grief, tears, sadness, longing)
- a move to the little trailer house on the prairie (snakes, wind, dust, mice, trains, and yes even Jehovah Witnesses still visit)
- pregnancy and the birth of my child (joy, tears, pain, guilt, fear)
- job change for my husband (worry)
- quitting my job of 12 years to stay home with my baby (dependence, budget, purpose, freedom, happiness)
- learning how to be a mother ( sleeplessness, selflessness, worry, guilt, time management, joy, exhaustion)
And now, now, another biggie is heading my way. Another move. But this time to another town. In another state. I haven’t really talked about it because when I talk about it, that makes it real. I don’t talk about it, not because I’m not excited or I don’t want it to happen, but because I’m afraid. I don’t talk about it because doing my ostrich impersonation is much easier than recognizing that it really is happening.
But change–it is a comin’.
Soon and very soon, we will be packing up our cares and woe, tossed in with a little happiness and excitement and heading to a new destination.
My husband’s dream is to live in the mountains. And I guess we aren’t getting any younger. We’ve sold our little place here in the country, chickens too, and as soon as the buyers little ducklings are in a row, we will know when our last night here will be.
So on this eve of Thanksgiving, with my heart and my head filled with so much worry, trepidation, and fear, that it’s hard to find the excitement, I give thanks to God my Father, the Almighty, Who knows every breath I’ll ever take, Who numbers every hair on my head, Who knows my thoughts before I think them, and my blog posts before I type them, Who did not give me a spirit of fear, but of strength and power; I thank Him for his sovereignty and grace, for His love and providence, for His son and my salvation. I thank Him for my daughter and my husband, my family and my friends, my health and my freedom to just pick up and move whenever and wherever we choose. I thank Him for my past and my future, for my hurts and my sorrows, for my joy and my elation, for opportunities granted and doors closed. For all He has done and for all He is going to do.
Dear friends, please hold me and my family in your prayers as we begin again.
Angel . I know how tuff it is to just pick and move where you really don’t know to many people. I will never forget when I married Wilbur. He moved me to a place where I did not know anyone but his family and I did not know them real well. I was scared and worried that I would not be happy there. As time changed I met a lot of nice people in Pampa and a few other wise. But my journey was hard and I did a lot of crying and praying that God would be with me everyday and I would learn to at least like Pampa. A long time has come and gone since I lived there. Sure do miss the old town. So I hope this will help you to be able to just let God have his way. He is so awesome. I love you so much and I am so thankful that I have a sweet and kind daughter in law. To me you are my daughter and I love that about you. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you, I love you too.
How exciting!! I will definitely be praying for your family during this time of change. I can’t wait to hear more about it:). Good luck!!
Amen sister, change can be, can you believe I’m going to say a game changer? Of course it is. Sometimes I’m just silly. Anyway, I am right there with you. I am definitely the kind of person that almost prefers staying in even a rut if it’s familiar versus sticking my neck out and taking a chance. Sometimes though, the biggest reward comes from the risk. I always hate hearing that because it means I’m struggling with something and someone is offering it to me as advice. It’s the truth though and with your husband and your daughter and friends and family and a personal angel looking over you, you’re in wonderful hands. There is a saying you may have heard that says, “Leap and the net will appear.” I believe in that and wish you the biggest, brightest, most promising and wonderful net. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family.
I am a rut keeper myself. I haven’t ever heard that quote, I appreciate your well wishes!! Happy Thanksgiving to you too.
Angel … been away for a few days (and away from the computer!) so I’m getting caught up! Some advise from an old gal who has “been there done that” … this will be the best time ever!!! Change is good, not always easy, but, good and you, my dear with your many talents and beautiful personality, will have no problem “fitting in” !!! As that old saying goes, Let go and let God. P.S. You are ALWAYS in my prayers. Will be so anxious to hear your destination … I hope it’s Colorado so I can come and visit 🙂 Hugs to EK … Until next time … Donna
You are such a sweet person. I”m so glad I “know” you. The bad news is…..it’s not Colorado, but you can visit me anyway.