Do you ever have moments in your life when you realize you don’t even know who the hell you are? Maybe I’m the only one. But sometimes, I can’t believe the way I behave or the thoughts in my head and I have to pause and say, where did that come from. That’s not like you.
Case in point: I’m sick. I’ve been sick for a while and it’s beginning to get to me. I’m convinced the house is filled with black mold and it’s slowly killing us all. Google; it’s a wonderful thing and an awful thing. Used to, back in my normal, younger years, I would have sucked it up and carried on my wayward son. But now, it does nothing more than knock me on my butt. I need chicken soup and NyQuil and two or three days to veg in my bed with tawdry romance novels. But I’m a momma and an auntie and I have to carry on, despite it all. Back when I had sick days, I never took them. Now I’d give anything to have a sick day. You know?
If you don’t really know me, and you only read my blog, you probably think I suffer from clinical depression. My blogs are full of doom, despair, and agony on me. But life isn’t interesting when it’s happy, is it? I don’t suffer from clinical depression, it’s just that I like to blog when life is kicking me in the pants. Which is more often than not, seems like. So maybe I do suffer from clinical depression. Or maybe it just helps me cope. Complaining is the best medicine. Or is that laughter? I get confused. Especially when I’m sick. And blue. And suffering from Clinical Depression.
It’s on days like these, when I want to fast forward life 20 years to see how this all turns out, that I have to remind myself that I’m just having a bad day or maybe a couple of bad days, but not a bad life. Suck it up, butter cup.
So now that I’ve unloaded my warped mind and feelings on you, I’m feeling better, so let’s discuss a few important things:
1) For starters, remember when my EK loved her silver high heels? That’s all she would wear. Dresses and high heels. One day, after months and months of dresses and silver high heels, she just decided she was done with all that and would wear pants and shirts and shorts and tenny runners (what my dad would call them). I thought she had retired the silver high heels. Until today, when she woke up and decided she wanted to wear them. With jeggings. And purple socks. So we did. Not a battle I’m willing to fight.
2) Speaking of fashion, when is chevron going to go out of style? It’s probably one of those fashion things I’ve totally gotten wrong. Like capris. Twenty years ago or something, people started wearing capris. You know, they used to be called knickers, then peddle pushers. I looked down at my then Levi’s 517’s and thought to myself, ‘those peddle pushers are the stupidest looking things, and you won’t catch me dead in them’. Famous last words. My whole entire wardrobe consisted (consists) of them for years, maybe it still does. Wishing I could put myself in some Levi’s nowadays. Twenty some-odd years passes and suddenly we’re bombarded with chevron. You know, it used to be called zig-zag. I said to myself, ‘well, that’s cute, but it won’t last. It’s a fad’. So I resisted. I own nothing in chevron, and yet it’s still every where I look. Clothes, walls, furniture, floors. Pretty soon, someone will paint their car with it.
Have you seen those cute little eyelashes people put on their Volkswagons? You know, they used to be called slug bugs. If I had a hippie van, I’d put eyelashes on it. But I wouldn’t paint it chevron. But daisies? Now we’re talking.
3) I’ve been trying to edit a book that I wrote a year ago, and I’ve just decided it sucks. I suck. And it was a stupid idea to ever think I could write anything life changing or even substantial. I’m ready to give up on this dream of writing. Maybe I’ll become a curmudgeon instead, it sounds like a better lifestyle choice and I think I’m more cut out for it instead.
Then I have to give myself a pep talk and say where did that come from? That is not like you. Then I get on Pinterest and get some inspiration and then I tell myself not to give up. That I’m just having a bad day, not a bad life, and to carry on my wayward son. Then I blog and tell you all my troubles and I feel much better.
4) Ash has started Driver’s Ed. Yes, this is happening. She also has a boyfriend. That’s happening too. And has had a car date (to a homecoming dance with another couple). Part of me can’t believe she’s old enough for all this and then part of me is ready to marry her off so I can veg out in my bed for 3 days instead of chauffeuring her around and cooking supper every night. Then I’m reminded I’ve still got 16 more years with this other one before I get to lie in bed with tawdry romance novels for days on end.
And yes, I hear you all…….Cherish this time, it will be gone before you know it, enjoy your children, you’re going to miss this.. Blah, blah, blah. I hear ya, I hear ya. I’m just having a bad day, not a bad life, okay?
5) I’m still off Facebook! Yea me. It’s been almost 2 months. What have I missed?
6) Here’s a couple pictures of my lovelies, in case you’ve been missing them.
And here’s a picture of me:
Just having a bad day, not a bad life.