Making Snow Ice Cream


Put on your snowboots

with your sexiest bathrobe.  Make a fashion statement.

Take an empty bowl and a scooper of some sort, high step through the snow drifts and brave the bitter winds to gather up clean snow.

I find it necessary to scrape off the first layer, as you might find some specks from a tree, or blowing dirt, or your husband’s truck tires.  Or whatever.

Feel your fingers grow numb and nostrils sticking together as your snot freezes.

Get your butt in the house, shivering, rubbing your hands together, repeatedly saying “it’s cold, it’s cold, it’s cold.”

Stick your bowl of snow in the freezer until you’re ready for it.

In a separate bowl, pour a cup of milk.

A half cup of sugar,

and a teaspoon of vanilla.

Whoa.  Holy Canolli.  Are my hands really that wrinkled?

Mix that together until the sugar is dissolved. 

Then begin adding the snow.  Mix the snow and milk/sugar mixture until it is a desired consistency.  If you see little specks of black, just pick them out.  It’s probably just a little dirt.  You’ve eaten worse at the Chinese buffet, unbeknownst.  Trust me.

Now taste your ice cream.

At first ours was waaayyyyyy too sweet, so we added some more snow, then it was waaaaayyyyy too dry, so we added some more milk.

You’ll have to play around a little bit to receive a nice consistency and flavor.

Once you have it to your liking, add some syrup and cherries.

That’s the way, uh huh, uh huh I like it.

Then drink it up, ’cause it’s practically melted by now.

Enjoy your sugar high until you crash.

Then repeat.