Five Dollar Advice

When you’re unemployed you have to think of creative ways to make a little cash.  Lately I’ve been wheeling and dealing on the various selling sites on Facebook.  Basically every community has a “for sale” site where you post your wares:  those clothes that are too snug in the waistband, the mini food processor you’ve used twice in the last 15 years, your old tires, your velvet hanging of “THE KING” with the microphone cocked and his hips swiveled.

It works out good when the buyer actually follows through, shows up to buy the merchandise, and doesn’t try to haggle you down to a buck twenty five.  Recently I sold a little whatchamacallit and made arrangements with the buyer to meet in a parking lot of a fast food joint.  She’s waiting on me when I get there.  Nice lady, had a daughter with her about, oh 13 maybe?

We greet one another.  I’m happy to be making five bucks.

She stays  in the car, cigarette hanging out her windows, while her daughter hands me the cash.  I stand there leaning through the passenger car window  explaining how this contraption I just sold works.  Suddenly she interrupts me.

“I have to say something, and I hope you don’t get offended.”

Oh boy I thought, here it comes.  When someone starts a statement like that, you really never know what to expect.  I braced myself.

“You look so much better in person,”she said smiling a big toothed grin.

I couldn’t help but laugh.  Should I be offended?

“Ok, thank you?” I say not sure if this is a compliment or an insult.

She went on.

“I mean, really.  You look great. You look younger.  You look great.  I’m not even sure I would’ve recognized you.”

Her teenage daughter, experiencing one of many embarrassing moments that her mother will cause, looked over at her, earrings dangling to her shoulders and said, “Really, Mom?”

Obviously she was not concerned with how her deal of the day worked.  I handed over the five dollar buy convinced this sale was final.

As if I didn’t quite get the lady’s point, she continued. “I don’t know, you look great.   Maybe you should rethink your profile pic.”

Well I just had to laugh.  My favorite way to be complimented is when it’s rolled up in an insult.

I’m not insulted.  Actually, I’m thankful for her insight.  If I ever use one of those online dating sites, I’ll be sure to use my current profile pic.  That way  when I  meet face to face with my potential beau, they’ll be as blown away as this lady was.

I took my five bucks along with her smidgen of wisdom and hit the road.