I just crawled under my big white down comforter next to EK who is already asleep and snoring just faintly. It’s a Monday afternoon and it is far from manic. You all remember the Bangles? They used to sing a song called Manic Monday. It was completely dumb but I can’t help but think of it every time someone mentions their crazy Monday. And now, it’s on repeat in my brain. If it’s on repeat in yours, then I’ve done my job well.
I can’t help but think of what a good place I’m in with my life right now. I’m happy. Truly happy. Yes, of course I still have “those days”. Everyone does and we all will until we breathe our last breath, but for now, for me, I’m content.
I don’t have anything profound to say today, just wanted to say hi, but since I’m here why not unload a few thoughts on ya?
Thought #1: Early in January I received a big manilla (used to call it vanilla, doesn’t every kid) envelope addressed to me with my maiden name from my only blood uncle. Inside was some writings and photos of my dad’s. I kind of thumbed through it all, not really diving in, and then put it away. I’m not sure why, but like the ostrich I buried my head in the sand and pretended it wasn’t there, not sure I wanted to take that emotional ride at the time. Since then, I’ve pulled it out and there’s a few more stories that I’ve never published on here before so I’m going to have a few more installments of Stories By My Dad very soon.
Thought #2: It is 4 weeks to the day until I turn 39. Woo hoo, woo Hoo! No really, I’m very excited about that knowing I’m one year closer to my 40’s. Crazy I may be, but I’ve been looking forward to my 40’s for a few years now. I think they are going to be great.
Fabulous Forties.
Fantastic Forties.
NOT Frumpy Forties.
So, the bad part about it being 4 weeks until my birthday? I was going to lose 16 pounds by then. You want to know how many I’ve lost so far? +1 Yes, yes, I’m up a pound and it’s not for lack of effort either. But I’m not letting it get me down. I’ve been consistently exercising (except for one week in January when it got a bit crazy) and eating healthier and I can see my body changing. I’m not going to let the number on the scale discourage me when I know it’s working! Carry on.
Thought #3: I almost, ALMOST gave Ozzie away today. Remember Ozzie, that little chi weenie I got a few months back? Well he’s a royal pain in the rump. AND he cannot learn to get along with the chickens. I truly think he killed one, but I can’t be sure. I only know I found a headless chicken and I totally wigged out. I have no proof it was him, but my suspicion in high. That was several months back, maybe in the fall. J-Dub was out of town working. Let me tell you, I became a basket case. I didn’t even know it was in me to behave in that manner. But I did what I had to do,with snot running down my nose, and got a shovel and disposed of the headless bird. To top it off, I think it was Freedom.
So last night it was arranged that I would take Ozzie to someone today at 4:00. I was emotionally ready. Or so I thought. And then he and EK started playing and cuddling and she was saying, “I love Ozzie so much.” “He’s a good boy”. That’s when the guilt started. You see, I’m from the camp that believes once you get a dog, you have that dog for life. Yours or its. So guilt and failure came creeping in. Then he got up in my lap and laid so sweet and when he looked at me, it was like he knew and was pleading with me. I was sad and guilty yesterday evening and this morning I was almost in tears. I held him and stroked him and thought of the time I’ve put into him. The times I woke up in the middle of the night to take him outside to potty when he was tiny. The times I carried him on our walks because he was so little and pooped out to make it back to the car. I thought to myself he’s almost a year old, we’ve almost made it through the puppy stage, and I shouldn’t give up on him. So I backed out. I did. And I’ve felt much better all day about it.
Thought #4: I love quinoa these days. If you’ve never tried it, you must.
Thought #5: I checked out two books from the library BEFORE Christmas and have re-checked them like 2 or 3 times since. They are due Thursday and I think it’s time to add them to the list of books I never finished. One is We Were the Mulvaney’s by Joyce Carol Oates and All the Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthey. If you’ve read either one and you think I’m making a big mistake by returning them unfinished, stop me now.
Let’s see, what else?
Welp, I think my well has run dry now, there’s nothing else going on in this brain of mine now except the Bangles song.
I hope your Monday is good and un-Manic!
Angel Wheeler 