My Journey of a Half Marathon Began with One Step

About one week ago, I completed a feat that made me feel like I can do anything.    My first (and last) half marathon!  I’m still recovering. My fingers are just now regaining strength to type about it.  It was an awesome experience, but not one that I’ll repeat.  People have asked me if it was fun.  And I have to answer honestly.  No, it was not fun.  It was hard.  It was grueling at times.  It was physically painful.  None of which I equate with F-U-N. 

I began this adventure wanting to push myself.  I doubted I could do it.  So I began, in my mind, believing that I would walk it.  Thirteen miles turns out to be a really long walk.  I suckered a couple of friends from work to do it with me, and we began our training.  None of us were runners.  Our training began slowly, running 30 seconds, and then walking until we recovered for up to 20 minutes.  As the days passed, our running increased.  For five months we trained, gradually increasing our miles.  We trained in wind that pushed against us and told us we couldn’t do it.  We trained in snow and in frigid temperatures that numbed our fingers and toes.  We bundled ourselves and perservered through long Sunday afternoons. 

A couple of months into it my knees began hurting me, so I backed off my running and increased walking.  I looked forward to the day of the half marathon, not to accomplish, but to get it over with.  To check it off my list.  I couldn’t quit, although there were times I wanted to throw up my hands and lie on the couch, eat chips and watch The Biggest Loser instead.  We had endured too much to quit.  I prayed for endurance, I prayed for healing, I prayed for perserverance, I prayed for Rapture.  Our group of runners posted scriptures on our running page for motivation or inspiration.  So while I was running, I would quote scripture knowing that I can do all things through Christ.

The day the marathon was upon us, I was as nervous as a little girl.  I had to talk to myself and tell myself that I’ve been running for 34 years.  It wasn’t anything new. 

We were up at the butt crack of dawn.  We were supposed to catch a shuttle to the race, but it was running late, so we were actually 12 minutes late to the race.  But as we were hurrying to the start line, which was blocks and blocks long, we ran into some other friends who let us cut in and we started with them.
There was so much energy.  There were so many people.  After about the first mile into it, people started throwing off their clothes because they were so hot, and just leaving them in the road.  I wonder if they went back and got them or if we live in such a disposable society that it just doesn’t matter.

The people of Oklahoma City were the best part of the race for me.  Not the runners, but the people who made it all happen.  The volunteers were there at 3 in the morning preparing for us.  They cheered us on all the way, passed out water and orange slices, told us thank you for running in memory of the OKC bombing, and cleaned up streets of trash and paper cups.  There were dancers on the sides of the street, bands, people in costume all asking us ‘How are you feeling’.  I wrote before about those bright neon green shirts that dared people to question our current state of being.  It turns out I managed to make it through the entire race without flipping anyone off.  One lady who was cheering on the side of the road and encouraging us at about mile 3 spoke into her microphone and said,”You people in the green shirts are everywhere.  You’re like a bunch of ants!” 

Seeing the finish line was both exciting and relieving.  When I laid eyes on that banner, I began to kick it into second gear.  I’m sure I wasn’t running fast, but it felt like I was flying.  It was a great feeling to cross the finish line knowing that I had done it.  I had completed it.  It was finished and I would never have to run again in my life.  I placed 5,863rd.  Eighty one percent of the racers finished ahead of me.  But I accomplished my first goal of simply finishing, and my second goal of finishing in under three hours.  Barely.

Most people were being handed their medal, but this lady, Polly Nichols, a survivor of the OKC bombing, took the time to put mine around my neck, like I was a true winner.  I told her thank you and teared up when she replied that she was honored to do it.  It was a tender moment for me.

And then I limped home and burned my running shoes.

Metaphorically speaking of course.

An Ode of Un-Joy to the Dog Next Door

You stupid little mutt,
I want to kick your butt.

Your barking is incessant,
my mood is most unpleasant.

Twenty-four/seven you bark,
from sun-up to sun-dark.

And when I lay down to nap,
Sleep is eluded ’cause you yap.

If I could have one wish,
It’d be your voicebox in a dish.

A shock collar around your neck,
might be my best bet.

Sugar is good and honey is sweet,
I pray you’ll go play in the street.

Perhaps its cruel, but ’tis true,
I hope your doggie days are few.

And in dog Heaven you can croon,
by the light of the silvery moon.

With gates of pearl and bones to nibble,
 balls to chase and drool to dribble.

Run, Auntie, Run

13.1: miles in a 1/2 marathon

4.5: days until the race (race!  Ha!)

298: times each day I look in the mirror and cuss myself out for signing up

5:  number of months we’ve been training

6:  pounds I’ve gained while running

7:  pounds really

1:  day I’ve trained when the temperature was above 40 degrees

112:  degrees it will probably be on the day of the marathon

20,999:  number of people that are going to trample me at the start line (I can only hope)

3: hours that I pray I can finish in

40:  mph the ambulance will drive to get me to the nearest hospital after I collapse across the finish line.

2: number of knees that will afterward need replacing

17:  blisters on each big toe

13:  years it will take me to recover

0: times I will ever run again unless being chased by a rabid dog

************

I picked up my marathon shirt the other day. 

I’m running with a very large group of fellow agile, vigorous marathoners from my hometown.

We’re all wearing the same shirt, so we can be noticed out of the 21,000 other runners.

It’s definately loud enough.

Really……it’s probably not a good idea to ask me how I’m feeling. 

The Harvester is our little town’s mascot. 

The mighty Harvester who wields a fierce sickle or yo-yo or something.

Bringing in the sheaves,
Bringing in the sheaves,
We shall come rejoicing,
Bringing in the sheaves.

Sorry.  Just looking at him makes me want to break out into song.

Ask me how I’m feelin’ and I’m supposed to say Harvester Good.

But only time will tell what may come out of my mouth on Sunday after about 8.4 miles into it.

After aches, pains, limps, cramps, sweating, wheezing, dehydrating, and puking, I’m supposed to say Harvester Good.

Wrong Answer.

I  hope I can refrain from flying the bird to all those questioning, happy spectators.

Jason suggested mine should say something else,
like….

“Because I’m stupid” 

or

“Because teaching school isn’t punishment enough” 

or maybe

“Because I really don’t need my knees”

but my favorite is

“Because I make limping look good”

But seriously y’all.

Will all the joking aside, this is rumored to be an awesome experience.

One that I will never forget. 

Maybe even cherish.

 And all the hard work, time, blood, sweat, and glucosomine chondroitin will be well worth it.

“There will be days when I don’t know if I can run a marathon. There will be a lifetime knowing that I have.”

See ya at the races,
Angel

Sunflower seeds anyone?

I have a nasty habit.
It’s not as bad as picking scabs, slurping, or letting the dog lick my face after he just licked his boy parts however.
But some (my husband for one) may consider it pretty gross.

It’s sunflower seeds.  I love them.  I have a spit cup from The Rambling Road Trip Vacation Bible School I taught one year.  I hide it in a special place in my cabinet so no one inadvertently drinks out of it.  I eat them while I blog.  I eat them while I drive.  I eat them while I watch TV.  If I were a junkie, sunflower seeds would be my crack pipe.

I truly believe with every ounce of my being that eating sunflower seeds takes talent. 
It’s almost an art form.
None of that picking them up one by one, holding them between you finger and thumb as you gingerly crack them and then remove the seed.
No sirree bob.
You have to throw a handful in at a time, till your jaw poofs out, suck the salt, and spit out the shells.  If you can’t eat them this way, you have no business eating them at all.  You’ve got to eat them until the tip of your tongue is raw. 

Ever since my niece Ashlynn was a wee little one, she’s been eating sunflower seeds.  Of course in the beginning she wanted to just eat the whole entire thing, so I had to teach her.  I took great pride that she knew how to eat a sunflower seed unlike her sandbox peers.  She’s a one by one kind of sunflower kid, but she can crack them with the best of us.  Give her time, give her time.

One summer, when she was about four or five years old, I as driving around town with Ashlynn in the back seat.  I was snacking on some sunflower seeds when she asked for some.  Oh, I’m stingy with them.  I hate sharing them.  What junkie likes sharing her crack pipe?  But even more than that, I hate wasting them, and to hand them off to a little pip squeak is about the most wasteful thing I could do.  I only knew she’d spill them in between the car cushions.
 But being the loving, affectionate, sacrificial auntie that I am, I passed her a handful with a mere cringe.  Several minutes passed, and I heard the window in the back rolling down. 
“What are you doing?  Are you throwing out sunflower seeds?  Quit that!”  I shrieked, “Quit wasting my sunflower seeds!  Give them to me if you don’t want them!!”

I flopped my right hand back behind my head and held it there as she leaned forward and put sunflower seed after sunflower seed in my hand.  I popped them in my mouth, sucked off the salt, spit out the shells, chewed and swallowed them,  and then heard this wee little voice…..

“But Auntie………… they were in my butt.”

Apparently, she needed both hands to crack open her shells one by one, so she sat them between her legs on the car seat, and as I gassed it at the red lights, they shifted up the legs of her shorts, until she pulled them out and placed them one by one in my hand.

I might as well go let the dog lick my face.  It couldn’t be any worse could it?

Just call me Lizzie for short

The Texas Panhandle = Wind.

Crazy kind of wind.

Wind that makes you kind of crazy.

The kind of winds that you really can’t even fathom if you haven’t ever visited here in the Spring. 
Or the Winter. 
Or the Summer. 
Or the Fall.

It blows all year long.  Except when you want it to.

We consider 30 mph to be a slight breeze. 

I’ve lived here all my life and I really should be used to the wind by now.  But I’m getting cranky and irritable in my old age.

I find myself thinking of Lizzie Borden a lot lately.  Did you jump rope to her little sing-song when you were a small child? 

Lizzie Borden took an ax,
and gave her mother forty whacks,
when she saw what she had done,
she gave her father forty-one.
I didn’t jump rope to that either.  It’s just that my mother told me her story.  My mom who is a lover of all things morbid and murdery.  I remember murder mystery magazines stacked nearly to the ceiling in our garage in my childhood home.  Covers with pictures of women laying murdered, ropes around their necks, half dressed, blood pooled under their heads.  It’s a wonder I turned out normal, and the jury is still out on that one.
Legend, or my bad memory, says that Lizzie Borden lived in the 1800’s.  There was no air conditioning and a massive heat wave enveloped her area.  The temperatures soared, the heat was unbearable, not to mention she had to wear all those hot dresses which only intensified the problem.  So the tale continues that the Borden family had to eat stew, or something similarly wretched, day after day after excruciating day.  The stew spoiled, I assume there wasn’t a Frigidaire in the house, or any Secret anti-perspirant, and they sweated and ate rotten meat for days.  Until Lizzie had just had it.  She couldn’t take it anymore.  A girl can only eat rotten meat for so long, and so she bludgeoned her mom and dad.  I mean enough is enough.  The crazy weather can really get to a person can’t it?
Did I mention the wind is blowing?  Did I mention it’s been blowing for day after day after excruciating day?  Did I mention my mother’s mystery murder magazines that infiltrated my brain as a young impressionable youth?  Did I mention I have an axe in the garage? 
Kidding!
Maybe.
Here’s a picture of my dresser. 
See that empty spot right there.
I had a lovely topiary sitting there from my wedding reception.  There’s a matching one on the other side.
Have I mentioned the wind’s blowing? 
Maybe the curtain whipped really hard.
And the wind must’ve helped.
Somehow, my lovely topiary landed on the floor, right next to my slippers.
  I’d opened the windows to get a refreshing gale during the night, and mistakenly left them open today.
Woe is me.
I’m off to find a broom.
And maybe an axe.
Peace,
Lizzie
P.S.  I googled good ole’ Lizzie and couldn’t find anything about the rotten stew and heat, so don’t quote me on this.  Really you probably shouldn’t quote me ever.
It’s a fine line between a good story and a lie.

A Failed Attempt

We have a bovine dilemma.

It consists of a cow who lost her baby and is left with a bag full of milk.

And a baby who was born a twin and its old momma doesn’t have enough milk for two which leaves it powerful hungry.

The logical answer would be to let the baby calf nurse a momma with a tight bag. 

But it doesn’t work that way.

That’s not her baby.  Which means she will not voluntarily let it nurse.  And even though you might receive touching emails about tigers adopting puppies or wolves letting bunnies hop around on their heads, it’s not the way it works around here.

So Jason forces it, in an attempt to see if this cow will adopt the calf.

After penning the cow and calf, he runs the big bagged momma into a squeeze chute.

Then he gets the poor hungry calf.
And puts it to the tit.
It doesn’t know what to do at first, but with Jason’s coaxing and cussing, it catches on.
So we wait.

Now I would like to end this story with good news. I would like to tell you that this momma adopted this baby, its little calf belly is pooching,  and all is well in the world. 

 But no such luck suckers. 
She isn’t going to earn the philanthropist of the year award in the bovine category.
But the baby was given to a little tyke to bottle raise.
And I’m sure its little calf belly is pooching.
And all is well with the world.
Peace,
Angel

Easter

Ashlynn colored Easter eggs.

Yet, again.
Is she too old for this?  
A part of me says yes, and a part of me says, let her be a kid as long as she can.  
She did a good job freehanding some art on them.   
She’s showing off a bunny, but it more resembles a cat too me. 
We both agreed it was a mammal.
 We’ve come a long way.
Journey with me down  memory lane.
From back when her 2T training panties were too big and the eggs were dipped in a solid color.  It appears she’s dropped a big old load in those underpants, but really it’s just that she has the butt of a frog.
Droopy drawers.

When you’re not quite two years old, you really have to crouch down and look carefully.
Various Easter egg coloring pictures from years gone by.

I hope everyone had a glorious Easter.
I know I did.

“Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; He has risen!” Luke 24:5-6

Be Blessed,
Angel

The Heifer

I’m anxiously awaiting a heifer to calve.

I’ve called Jason several times to ask him if there is any progress.  I want to be there so badly. 

Heifers are young cows, first time mommas.  Sometimes they run into trouble, so Jason has to babysit them.  There’s certain signs a learned cowhand can look for to know when they’re getting close to calving.  A winking vulva, for one.   When these signs appear, Jason pens the heifer so she’ll be handy in case he has to help pull the calf. 
I got the opportunity to see this once and it was awesome, the most exciting thing ever!  And I have also witnessed a gruesome birth where the calf was stuck in the birth canal.  The calf was too big for the momma cow and died.  It was not so pleasant.  Utterly devastating actually.  But that is the way nature operates.
We went out the other night to check on the little momma.  The stars were just beginning to appear.
Here’s the expectant mother. 
Isn’t she great?  I especially love her hair, the way it appears that she used a rat tail comb on it.  We interrupted her supper so Jason could could check her parts.
Go ahead and hang your head Maybelle, it’s humiliating I know.
This night was not her night.
Neither was the next.
Tonight, we’ll do it again.
I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

  

Softball and other life matters

A few days back my niece Ashlynn tried out for softball.  It’s an effort to redeem the family name from when I played. 
From the year I played.
From the year I attempted to play.  

You see, I should have been a ballerina.  But my sister was an all-star softball player.  Not to mention a klutz at ballet.  So my parents, God love ’em,  erroneosly thought that since we both possessed the same genetic code, that I too, by default would be an all-star softball player as well.  Or maybe I begged and persisted until they cratered.  It doesn’t matter now does it?  It’s just one of the many hobbies I took up that vanished rapidly.  Like painting, quilting, guitar, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

An allstar, I was not. 
The three words that best describe me and I quote,
“Stink, Stank, Stunk!”

I was number 9.  I remember well because I was also nine years old.  Our team was called the Panhandle Perforators, whatever that means, and our green caps had  very large white letters PP emblazoned on them.  It might as well been the scarlet letter.  Two red P’s or yellow P’s for that matter, could have only worsened the situation for me. It was humiliating to this nine year old girl who would rather be wearing toe shoes and tutus to wear a ball cap with PP on it.  If you have already surpassed the maturity level of a nine year old girl, I’ll help you out with my humiliation.  Pee pee and doo doo.  Get it,  PP? 
They stuck me out in right field where I picked dandelions and did pirouettes with not a care in the world of what was happening in the game. 
Ball? 
What ball?
I was daydreaming of rainbows and glittery ponies.
My dad would occassionally walk down the fence line and come visit me in my lonely position where nary a ball came.  Never.  Never, ever.  He’d give me a drink of his coke, lean on the chain link fence and advise me to “Look Alive.”

I’m sure my parents buttons were really busting when I got up to bat.  I had no intention to swing the bat.  I already knew deep down that I would never swing, even at a perfect pitch.  I wouldn’t choke up on it, I wouldn’t even get in a stance.  I stood there, stiff as a board with the bat resting on my shoulder, butterflies swarming in my stomach, palms sweating, heart racing, and I prayed.  I prayed for four balls to get me to first base.  I wasn’t going to swing.  Two strikes may whizz past, but I continued to pray.  It was too great a risk to strike out on purpose.   My nine year old, self-conscious logic told me, I’d rather strike out standing there like an idiot than to strike out swinging and prove to everyone how pathetic I really was.  It makes no sense.  It’s completely illogical.  I realize that now.  

But alas, my nine year old faith grew as strong as the mighty oak, because more times than not, the Great Coach in the sky heard my childish prayer and delivered me into the safety of the first base where I would run and grin back to my parents applauding in the stands.  I don’t know why they didn’t wear paper sacks with two cut out eyeholes to my games.  Ah yes, because my sister was playing on the same team.  They surely wanted to be associated with her.

I still have my jersey.  Twenty-six years later, I can’t bear to part with it.  I’m sentimental like that.  We also made it to the championship and earned a trophy.  I still have that too. 
Actually, I think I scored the winning run.
Or maybe I was on the bench the whole game.
My memory escapes me now.

When I discovered a few days back that my little bitty, non-athletic, chicken-legged, never thrown a softball in her life, niece was trying out for softball, the first thing I did was pull out the scissors and the papersack and went to work. 

We are anxiously awaiting to see which coach pulled the short straw.  But I’ll be there at her games, nevertheless, cheering her on as she twirls in right field.
If you’re looking for me, I’ll be the one with the sack on my head. 

I once read a report that asked some 100 year old people what they regretted most in life, and the most common answer was they wish they had taken more chances, more risks, and not always stayed on the sidelines. I think of those centuryites, centurians, centuropians old people often.  And I, with my wrinkles and wisdom, look back on my younger years.  And I wish I would have swung that bat.  Swung it like I meant it.  Whether I struck out or not.  At least I would have taken the chance.

So to my niece I say, play your heart out, whether you’re good at it or not.  I’ll be cheering you on.

And to all of you as well.

We only get one go at this, so swing for the fence.

Love,
Angel

No wonder Jason wants to be a Cowboy

I picked up this book from an elementary school library a couple years ago.  They were cleaning out some titles.  It’s old and they were getting rid of it due to it’s copyright date…..1977. 
It’s like any other ABC book you can find…..
I adore this jackrabbit.
Skinny sucker, aint he?  He’s scattered all through the book.
Ramrod = Jason
Tenderfoot = Angel
Ewe = Range maggots according to Jason, but I’m still getting some…..someday! 
And chickens too!
Oldtimer =  Jason in about 6 months!
When I wrote my little storybook called Doggie went a Courtin, I wanted it to be Dogie went a courtin’, but I figured most people would just think I misspelled it.
So the Cowboy ABC book goes on to talk about the standard cowboy words like jerky, mustangs, things you expect in a children’s book.
Then, it gives a litttle dating advice:
Filly = a good looking girl.
And maybe, just maybe, it fosters substance abuse a bit much, for a children’s book I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with that. 
Drinking and Driving, why not?
It was probably this book that kicked off the need for the DARE to keep kids off drugs programs.
More good advice:  Blow all your money on your addictions.
Feeling tired, hungry or thirsty kids?
Have a cigarette!
It fixes it all.
And then…..
Really! 
W could be for wranglers, the original western wear.
Or wild west.
Or wabbits.
But wetback does start with a W afterall.
Maybe the library was just getting rid of it because of its copyright date.  Or maybe kids never checked it out because it didn’t have wizards or avatars or sparkly princesses in it.  Or maybe it is a bit inappropriate in a public school in a politically correct era.
Nah.
 I love it.
I can’t wait to read it to my grandchildren.
Luuuucccccyyyyyyy!!!  You got some ‘splainin’ to do!
This book has a new copyright date of 1990 and from what I can tell, its a revised edition.
For more James Rice books, here’s a website