Faith – Page 3 – Angel Wheeler

Pics from the Reveal Partay!

This past Friday, some friends and loved ones joined us for a gender reveal party.

Some wore pink, thinking it would be a girl. Some wore blue, thinking it would be a boy.

Some wore black, thinking it would be…….uh, nevermind, I guess they hadn’t had time to do their laundry.

J-Dub and I were both decked out in blue. No doubt in my mind it was a boy. No doubt.

There were more folks dressed in blue than pink.

The survey from my blog predicted boy over girl.

We began with a little game of “What do the Old Wives Say?” where different old wives questions were thrown at us, and the majority of our answers revealed boy.

Boy, Boy, Boy.

The contents of this box would reveal the truth. Would it be blue or would it be pink?

The moment of truth arrived with hearts all a’flutter. Anticipation hung heavy in the air.

The florist was the one who received the sealed envelope. He was the one who first saw the ultrasound picture. He was the one who packaged the box. We were the ones to open it with the ones we love.

Pink and white balloons drifted out, screams and cheers lifted up, and tears flowed down. Happy tears of course.

It was a day of love, happiness, celebration.

Hugs.

Congratulations.

And smiles.

Lots and lots of smiles.

Good News!

I’m on top of the world. I’m just on top of this beautiful, dadgum world. It’s as if scales have fallen from my eyes and I see things in a new light.

In case you haven’t been following my life, first off, I’m pregnant. With my first child. At age 36. With this came a scary test that informed us that our baby was at an increased risk for Down’s Syndrome. A 1:75 possibility. I stewed and fretted and cried, then I prayed, and others prayed, and the Holy Spirit granted me a peace that passes all understanding.

Today, we had a consultation and an ultrasound that looked for certain “markers” of Down Syndrome that the baby may display. If any of these markers were found, it increased the risk for the disorder, and if they weren’t noted, it decreased it. Some markers they look for and measure are the thickness of the skin at the base of the neck, the length of the bones, the amount of fluid around the baby, the veins and arteries in the umbilical cord, certain spots in the heart, and others.

God is good, and if you don’t already know that, well, you need to. There were not any markers found! I praised Jesus out loud right there lying on that table. The absence of markers does not mean our baby does not have anything wrong with it, but it does mean that the chances went down 50%. So now the odds are about 1:150. And that sounds pretty dadgum good to me. We were offered an amniocentisis to determine 100% for a yes or no answer, but we declined. Our faith is in God, not in medicine. You know I’ve never been the “one”. I’ve never won the lottery, I’ve never been struck by lightening, and I know that I know that I know my baby is normal (as normal as can be expected with the parents it’s been given).

I am praising God to day for His goodness. His mercy. His grace. His gifts. He has given me something that I never dreamed I could ever need. And I’m thrilled to become a mother.

I’d like to believe that even if the test hadn’t turned out positively for us, I would still be praising God. I’m just so thankful and relieved I am not experiencing the other end of the spectrum right now. Praise the Lord with me today!

On a different note, during this ultrasound they were able to determine the sex of the child. I have some wonderful, caring, loving people who are throwing a reveal party for me. I had never heard of a reveal party before my principal approached me with the idea. It can be done several different ways, but generally speaking it works like this: the ultrasound technician puts the gender in an envelope keeping it a secret, even from the parents. People are invited over, and in some way the sex of the child is revealed to everyone during the party, including the parents!! Yes, you are reading that right. We do not even know the sex of our baby.

Our baby was VERY uncooperative today. It decided to stay sleep with it’s little legs crossed. The technician was getting frustrated, but she perservered. Finally she was able to get a good view. She told us to turn our heads from the screen, while she took the picture. It was then stuffed and sealed in an envelope and hand delivered to my principal by me. It was much harder than I ever imagined it would be driving home with that envelope in the car! But we didn’t peek. I do admit I held it to the light, but still couldn’t see anything!

Tomorrow we will be finding out whether we need a blue nursery or a pink one. I can hardly wait.

I wish you all could be there, but since I feel like you are all experiencing this with me, please join me in spirit and cast your vote.

The result will be announced tomorrow!

Baby

There comes a time in a blogger’s life, when she must decide if something is too personal to share. It’s easy to share chicken stories and recipes, possum deaths, and classroom funnies, but not so easy to tell others when you’re falling apart. Not for me anyway. There is an occurrence in my life and something on my heart that I want to write down. I want to be able to reflect back on this season. And I must decide. Do I want everyone who happens upon this blog to know my struggles? But then again, there may even be the wild chance that it might help someone else. Or even there might be someone who can help me. Who knows.

I’m a very private person really, although it may be hard to believe. A lot of the things I write are simply stories and day-to-day happenings that really are just for entertainment purposes and possibly posterity., I keep myself tightly guarded for the most part, but sometimes I find myself wanting to share my emotions. Today is one of those times. This leap leaves me wide open. Open to criticism, open to judgement, open to pity. Today I’m deciding to share something very personal and something that I’ve only shared with my closest loved ones. But I’m sharing it for a few reasons.

1) Prayer: It allows people to pray for me, which is all I’ve got.

2) Humility: It’s very humbling to admit when I’m in the valley. I don’t want to sin by being proud, and it is something I struggle with.

3) Support: By sharing, I hope to hear stories that will comfot and rest my heart.

4) Friends: I know I have enemies, but I like to believe I have friends too. I know that people care about me and I am overwhelmed by the love of friends and even strangers who I only know through this computer screen.

My pregnancy was unplanned and the shock of my life. It also has been a piece of cake so far. At times, I’ve even felt guilty when I see and know of pregnant women who are struggling with sickness, puking their guts up, hooked to IV’s, dehydrated because they can’t keep anything down. I know that God has granted me good health during this time.

I enjoy being pregnant. After I passed through the initial shock and the acceptance stage, I have discovered that being pregnant is an awesome experience. When people ask me how I am feeling, I tell them I feel great, but what I really want to say, but don’t for fear of sounding hokey is, “I feel honored”. And I do. This is truly an honor to be chosen to carry a baby. To know that I am working with God to create a miracle, if for only a short time. To look at the night sky, at the vast expanse of stars, aware that the planet I live on is a tiny mass in a small galaxy in a huge universe. And I, an insignificant, minute speck, have been chosen to carry this one little being, this little combination of me and my dear husband, to nurture it, and sustain it. Sappy, sappy, sappy, I know. But it’s true.

I am beginning to get a little more excited each week. My belly is starting to noticeably grow, and I love to lay on my back and press on my abdomen and feel that hard little ball of cells and organs, and imagine it slowly and miraculously developing into this being with fingers and toes and a little button nose whom I already absolutely adore. I can’t wait to meet him. Or her.

Yesterday, however, I received a call from the doctor’s office and it rattled me to the core. At my last appointment, I had an optional blood test done called an AFPTetra. It screens for certain abnormalities like Spina Bifida, Down’s Syndrome, and Trisomy 18, and tests to see if I’m a carrier of cystic fibrosis. All the screens came back negative, except one. Down’s Syndrome. This does NOT mean our sweet baby has Down’s Syndrome. It is only an indication that it is at an increased risk. I’m sitting at the “advanced maternal age” of 36, and based on that, it appears I have a 1:198 possibility it could have Down Syndrome. Based on the test, however, I have a 1:75 chance. This test has been known to worry and fret a lot of women, all for naught. It’s only an indicator of risk, not a confirmation. The test is notorious for false positives and more often than not, the baby is just fine. But even knowing all that, I experienced my first tearful, worrisome night as a mother. I cried, I fretted, I imagined, I planned, I prayed and prayed and prayed.

Next Thursday I will visit a genetic specialist who will give me a consultation and an ultrasound. The way I understand it, they will look for certain “markers” of Down Syndrome during the ultrasound. It also can not confirm the baby has it, only an amniocentisis can do that.

It’s an extremely scary, uncertain time for us all. My loved ones are praying and reassuring me that everything will be fine, and I desperately want to believe that. My heart, my hope, and my faith is shaken right now. But one thing I know: God is good, all the time. All good things come from Him. I know that this precious baby is fearfully and wonderfully made, knit together, with all his days ordained. I know that God will never give us more than we can bear. I know that this baby may not have been planned by Jason and I, but it was planned by Him, and is loved immensely already, no matter.

We will hold tight to our faith and not allow the devil to cause fear and panic into our hearts.

The scriptures I’ve been focusing on are:

Proverbs 3:5—Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all thine ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.

Isaiah 41:10—Do not fear for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

2 Timothy 1:7 For you have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.

Psalm 121—I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
² My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

⁷ The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
⁸ the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

~Angel

The Whisperings of God

Each morning I take a 30 minute walk. Except when it’s raining; which is never. During that time of awakening my bones and joints, I lift my eyes up and talk to God and He oftentimes awakens my spirit. Some mornings, it’s just me talking to the wind and the sky, but once in a blue moon, I hear him whisper back to me. It might just be in the sunrise or the birds singing, but I hear it just the same and a deep calm covers me. It’s the only way I make it through this world somedays.

On Tuesday during our visit, I was a bit whiney. I was focused on the dry conditions and asking for rain. And in my desperate spirit I told him I felt like he’d forgotten about us. Was he listening? Did he care?

He didn’t respond.

Yet.

But afterwards during my morning facebook ritual, I read a post by my friend Chantelle. And although it was her typing the words, and although the words came from Restoration Place Ministries Word, it was HIM speaking to me. And this is what he said.

I Am restoring the things that were assigned to your hands by Me. I call forth destiny over you. The things that seemed to be delayed are now ready to be released. There have been moments when you felt downcast, you thought that I had passed you by. Look up into My eyes today & be refreshed. Look & see the provisions. Look & see the outcome; I will triumph in you. You will see great victory for this battle belongs to Me. I own it; it is Mine.

Reading that, it could apply to a million different scenarios that you might be facing. But to me, it spoke RAIN. It spoke showers of blessings. I said “Thank You Lord. You haven’t forgotten about us.”

That evening, JDub and I drove over to a neighboring town for some business and supper. During supper, my mom called to tell me that it was pouring rain. The power was out. The rain was coming down in sheets. The wind was howling. Sure enough, facebook was exploding with pictures from the townfolk of the rain, the winds, rushing water down the streets, and children playing in the gutters afterwards. It was awesome.

Although we missed the storm, we certainly saw its aftermath. It was a storm, I tell you. Out here at our place, a tree had fallen over into the barbed wire fence, my lawn furniture was a tangled mess blown across the yard, and my niece’s little playhouse was in about 20 pieces strewn across the pasture. When we moved here, there was a little structure left that appeared to be built for a child’s fort. My nieces took to it, hammering it, painting, it, decorating it. But it is no longer. Ash doesn’t seem to be too upset about it, which is good. She is the optimistic one who says maybe we can build a new one.

We received 8 tenths of an inch according to our raingauge, but other places reported an inch to an inch and a half. And now this morning, as I sit in my dark living room typing, I hear the thunder rolling, I see lightening flashing, and raindrops are hitting the rooftops and windows. The things that seemed to be delayed are now ready to be released. Praise be to the Restorer! God’s promises remain. And I’m standing on them.

Have a beautiful day wherever you are. Look for your blessings and you’ll find them.

Love,

Angel

Dem Dry Lands

My vegetable patch is green, luscious, fruitful, and multiplying.

I mean, the garden in my dreams. Of course.

It’s difficult at best to grow a garden, or anything green, in a drought.

We’ve morphed into a barren desert land.

The horses search for anything green and tender, including the bottommost leaves of the trees, leaving all our trees looking a little bit top-heavy.

We’re having a hot, dry summer in my area.

Our average rainfall is about 19 inches and as of June 6, we had received 0.68 inches of rain this year, making it the driest start to a year on record since 1892. 1892!! That’s a long time ago. We’ve had the most days over 100 degrees since 1953. We are shattering records in this unpleasant summer season.

But one thing I know, this too shall pass. Soon enough we will be cursing the biting winds of old man winter.

Two positives to this negative weather pattern: 1) nary a mosquito have I seen this summer and 2) I have not had to mow the grass yet. I have a few horses and chickens to thank for that as well.

We’ve been getting some intermittent showers the last few weeks, and it has been refreshing. And irony of all ironies, before the evidence of drought, my husband and a friend began a part-time business hanging rain gutter and have had a great start. People are buying rain gutter in a drought! So our next stop is Alaska to sell ice to the Eskimos. I shall insert a small advertisement here: Let me know if you’re in the market for gutter. I can hook you up.

But seriously, mankind has great faith. We, as humankind, are a resilient people. A people who have seen trials and blessings, who have spent time on both the mountaintop and in the valley, who have experienced the harvests and the famines of life. Throughout it all, we hang tough.

And look for the life among all the dying.

Robert Frost said it best,

In three words, I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life.
It goes on.

I pray life is treating you good and you’re able to see the positive in your negative situation today.

God Bless.

Newness

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? Isaiah 43:19

I awoke before my husband. Unusual? More unusual than a flying armadillo. Rather than rolling over and falling back to sleep, I groaned out of bed and crept through the dark house. I laced up my tennis shoes and decided to greet the day with a walk.

I was more than a little astonished to discover the sun does not rise before 5:45. In fact, everything was still slumbering. The horses, the birds, the sun, even the chickens. But I do know One who never sleeps or slumbers, no matter the time of day or night, this one is vigilant and waiting to hear from me, so He and I spent some time together. And he put on quite a show.

The morning was dark, but the moon was full, round and bright. The eastern sky slowly began to lighten to a light blue. I walked my driveway path that runs in front of my house from one gate to the next and then I turned around, back and forth, back and forth. The sticks that lay before me on the dark path frightened me at first, until I realized they were just sticks laying in the dark and not the creepy snakes of which I first imagined.

The chickens still slept in their coop, the horses stood as dark statues out in the pasture. The whole world was quiet. And dark.

There is a sense of peace to arise before everyone else, to observe the whole day awaken, to experience the firsts.

As the sun inched its light upward, the world began to stir, slowly but then more increasingly.

Two birds sat on barbed wire; silhouetted against the early dark sky that began as deep blue, then transformed to light blue, pink, orange, red and then back to light blue as the sun found its place.

The birds in the trees began their morning songs, a few peaceful tweets soon turned into a cacophony of chatter and cheeps.

The chickens finally decided to make their morning debut with clucks of Good Mornings escaping into the air.

I walked my driveway observing the new day, thanking God for all things new. Thanking Him for the opportunity to witness Him in action, as He brings forth each new day, each new breath, each new life.

He makes all things new.

The most miraculous of all perhaps being new life. The little fingers. The little toes. The sweet pink lips.

Jason and I are on a new journey. A journey of new life. Of little fingers, little toes, and sweet pink lips. We are bringing a new life into this world.

Partnering with God in the creation and witness of a miracle.

By His grace and mercy, we will hold this new baby in our arms come January.

Jason is thrilled. I for one, have been wrought with an array of emotions, predominately disbelief, shock and fear. But I know whom I have believed, and I trust in the One who makes all things new. It is in his working. It is his timing and his plan. I also understand the love and the blessing that this new creation is going to rock my world with is unfathomable.

If I may, I ask one thing of you. When and if you think of us, would you speak a prayer on our behalf. It would mean the world to us and our new blessing.

Blessings to you,

Angel

A Note From our Father

This turned my day around today.

A facebook friend, Janet, had it posted.

I felt compelled to share.

In a world of much uncertainty one thing is true, God knows everything about you: everything you have ever done; everything you have ever said; and every thought you have ever had. He is an awesome God! Here is a love letter to you.

My Child,

You may not know me, but I know everything about you (Psalm 139.1)

I know when you sit down and when you rise up (Psalm 139.2)

I am familiar with all your ways (Psalm 139.3)

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered (Matthew 10.29-31)

For you were made in my image (Genesis 1.27)

In me you live and move and have your being (Acts 17.28)

For you are my offspring (Acts 17.28)

I knew you even before you were conceived Jeremiah (1.4-5)

I chose you when I planned creation (Ephesians 1.11-12)

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book (Psalm 139.15-16)

I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live (Acts 17.26)

You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139.14)

I knit you together in your mother’s womb (Psalm 139.13)

And brought you forth on the day you were born (Psalm 71.6)

I have been misrepresented by those who don’t know me (John 8.41-44)

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love (1 John 4.16)

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you (1 John 3.1)

Simply because you are my child and I am your Father (1 John 3.1)

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could (Matthew 7.11)

For I am the perfect father (Matthew 5.48)

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand (James 1.17)

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs (Matthew 6.31-33)

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope (Jeremiah 29.11)

Because I love you with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31.3)

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore.(Psalms 139.17-18)

And I rejoice over you with singing (Zephaniah 3.17)

I will never stop doing good to you (Jeremiah 32.40)

For you are my treasured possession (Exodus 19.5)

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul Jeremiah (32.41)

And I want to show you great and marvellous things (Jeremiah 33.3)

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me (Deuteronomy 4.29)

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37.4)

For it is I who gave you those desires (Philippians 2.13)

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine (Ephesians 3.20)

For I am your greatest encourager (2 Thessalonians 2.16-17)

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles (2 Corinthians 1.3-4)

When you are broken-hearted, I am close to you (Psalm 34.18)

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart (Isaiah 40.11)

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes (Revelation 21.3-4)

And I’ll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth (Revelation 21.3-4)

I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus (John 17.23)

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed (John 17.26)

He is the exact representation of my being (Hebrews 1.3)

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you (Romans 8.31)

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins (2 Corinthians 5.18-19)

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled (2 Corinthians 5.18-19)

His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you (1 John 4.10)

I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love (Romans 8.31-32)

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me (1 John 2.23)

And nothing will ever separate you from my love again (Romans 8.38-39)

Come home and I’ll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen (Luke 15.7)

I have always been Father, and will always be Father (Ephesians 3.14-15)

My question is “Will you be my child?” (John 1.12-13)

I am waiting for you (Luke 15.11-32)

Fit Throwing at its Finest

This morning I had a fit. A wall-eyed, screaming MiMi, all-out tizzy fit. The ugliest kind you can imagine. Raised voice. Words that need to be beeped out. Irrational behavior. I might’ve even stomped my foot. Actually I’m pretty sure I stomped my foot. More than once. I don’t even know what triggered it. I have surmised either I have the absolute worst case of PMS ever recorded in the history of womanhood or I’m going crazy. If you think of all the crazy women in the world you’ve ever heard of and bundle them up in one person, that is who I’m becoming. It’s a bit unsettling.

On my car ride into work, knuckles white from gripping the steering wheel, tears pouring out of my freshly mascaraed eyes, I told God how mad I was. It was pretty much a one-sided conversation consisting of “I’M MAD! I’M MAD! I’M MAD!” How grateful I am that God forgives. He forgives even my anger toward HIM. His shoulders are big enough to handle me being upset with Him. I’ve apologized to both him and my unsuspecting husband who totally took the brunt of pent-up emotion. I gathered myself together and went to work.

I finished my work day without murdering any small children, which might be considered a miracle considering the morning I had. On the way out, I received a text from my husband informing me supper was on the bar, and I headed home. Headed home in the same car, on the same road, just a few hours later from the cry fest I had with my Lord. I never turn on my radio. There was a time in my past when I felt like music was life. If I was stranded on a deserted island and could have one electrical device, it would’ve been a radio. But now as I’m older, I very rarely listen to music or the radio. I have too much to think about instead. Today for some reason (read GOD here) I turned on the radio. Unbeknownst to me, it was programmed to a Christian station and the most beautiful song was playing. I’m including it here in case you want to have a listen. I hope you do.

The lyrics are beautiful and were exactly what I needed to hear. God knows. He always knows what we need.

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

And then, as if that wasn’t enough, I received a graduation announcement for a beautiful girl, a former 3rd grader of mine, and printed in it was this scripture, “God is within her; she will not fall; God will help her at the break of day.” Psalm 46:5

And that too was just what I needed to be reminded of.

And then, as if that wasn’t enough, supper was indeed on the bar.

My sweet husband does understand comfort food. A little Taco Villa, something a little sweet, and something a little salty. This is the food that brings me comfort; except for the Milano’s and other soft cookies, I think those are for him. I deserve rat poison, but instead I received love.

I find it unexplainably refreshing to know that even on days, weeks, months, when I act like a horse’s ass, my God is always good and my husband still loves me.

Now that’s something to sink my teeth into.

Good Friday? Yes, yes it was.

1: day off

14: chickens that run to meet me

12: Blue Spruce’s to plant in honor of Earth Day

50: pages read in a book

35: minutes spent napping

15: dollars spent on barbecue take-out

4: laps taken around a pasture on a bicycle

5: big spoonfuls of Blue Bell’s Great Divide Ice Cream

7: houseplants watered

1: set of sheets laundered and fresh on the bed waiting

13: pictures finally hung on the walls

2: days until Easter

Eternity: to spend with a Savior who died for me.

Tag Archives: Faith