Tag Archives: love

5 months

My sweet and precious Emma Kate,

Today you are 5 months old.  I’ve known this day was coming, but it just doesn’t seem possible.

I look at you and I can’t believe it.  That sweet tiny baby has morphed into a bundle of fun, with a  big grin and a bit of a mischievous nature I believe.  Your daddy keeps saying you’re turning into a little person.  A little person full of personality and curiosity.

We enjoy every minute of you.  Even the 3 a.m. ones.  Even the  “somebody better do something to fix my problem” crying ones.  Even the “I think I’ll go to the bathroom since you already have my diaper off” ones.

Your good moments completely outweigh the tougher times.  You play with your toys for a really long time.  Sometimes you get frustrated when you can’t reach your favorite toy, but you don’t give up easily.  You have a determined spirit about you, which I think is a good quality.  Later, we’ll likely call it stubbornness, which you’ll come by honestly since both your daddy and I possess it as well.

I quit my job so I can be a stay at home mom with you.  I don’t think we’ve been separated since the end of May.  We spend our days playing, singing, reading, eating, sleeping, and having some outside time which is your favorite.  Some days we go to town to visit or run errands, but not too much, because mama is a homebody.

You love feet, and it doesn’t really matter whose they are.  You learned how to get your piggies into your mouth this month and boy how good they must taste!  Really, it’s quite an accomplishment considering those fat rolls on your thighs.  My goodness, you’re cute!  You’re absolutely perfect.  At your last check up (when you had to get those mean shots) you weighed in at 14 pounds 10 ounces, 24 3/4 inches long, and your head was 16 inches.

You’ve got some pretty big brains in there, I think.  You’re smart Emma Kate.  There are things you do, that others may think are a fluke or accidental, but mama doesn’t think so.  I swear you know how to play peek a boo.  You pull a burp cloth or a small blanket up over your face and wait for us to say “Where’s Emma?” and then you pull it down to see us.  You do this again and again.  You give mama kisses on the cheek with that wide open mouth and you go in for Eskimo kisses with your Grandy.  You know that when you press down on that little green button the wipes will open up and you can try to eat them.

Bath time is a blast.  You’ve outgrown those little baby baths so you are a big girl in the tub these days.  And boy do you make a splash, literally.  You kick those feet like mad and splash water until it hits you in the face and slows you down a bit.

Sleeping is getting better.  This month, I’ve tried out a new method I read about on the internet called the E.A.S.Y method.  You eat, then you have activity time, and then when I notice you are getting drowsy, I’ll hold you with your binky for just a little while till your eyes are heavy, then I put you in your bed and you go right to sleep.  Usually.  You like to put a little blanket over your head.  I gave you a soft blanket to hold onto, and when I went back to check on you, you were sound asleep with it over your face.  Now, that’s just what you do.  Going to sleep works just fine, it’s just staying asleep that you don’t care for.  But you’re getting better.

You were dedicated to the Lord on June 3rd at Briarwood Church and received your very first little pink Bible and a certificate.  All the congregation reached out their hands to you as the pastor prayed God’s protection and guidance over your life.  He also made me tell the story of how a man in the church told me you were coming years ago, but I thought he was crazy.  

We had your pictures made this month with all your cousins on my side of the family.  Your aunt Jolea and your cousins Hannah and Zoie came to visit.  It was the first time H & Z had ever seen you, so we gathered up your cousins Harley and Maxx as well and went to daddy’s work to have pictures made.  They’re going to make Grandy a nice birthday present in a few days.

We also had your pictures made by yourself.

The doctor said we can start you on some rice cereal if we want, and start trying some other foods.  So mommy jumped the gun and gave you a taste of avocado instead!  You liked that for  a little bit, but not for long.  I’ve also given you tastes of strawberry, cantaloupe, and asparagus!  Mostly you shuddered and got this awful look on your face.  So we’re still waiting on the whole eating thing.

I hope I’m capturing everything I can about your little life honey.  You are our little joy. Your daddy and I want to do the best we can for you.  There will be times that we fail miserably I know.  We’re going to have bad times along with the good on this ride.  I want you to have  good memories of your childhood with us.  I want you to always know you’re loved deeply by us, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends, and mostly by Jesus.  It’s incomprehensible that He loves you more than I do, but He does.  My love for you pales in comparison.

I’m so happy to have you, baby of mine.

XOXO,

Mommy

8 years ago yesterday

On Monday night at about 9:30, J-Dub says something to me from across the living room.  Since my ears aren’t exactly what they used to be, I repeat back to him, “Oh crap, you have to get groceries tomorrow???”

He repeats himself.  This time much louder and stressing every syllable as a vein pops out of his forehead, “I SAID,’OH CRAP!  OUR ANNIVERSARY’S TOMORROW.”
“Oh, crap.  It is.”

Now last year, I would’ve known that our anniversary was the next day.  I would have bought a mushy card, and just tried to catch him in forgetting it, since men are notorious for that. But that just goes to show how much a new little wee one sucks every brain cell right from your formerly astute mind.  I’m lucky to remember to turn off the iron these days.

So on June 12th (our 8 year anniversary), we arose at 5:00 a.m.  J-Dub told me Happy Anniversary first since I forgot again, then made me an anniversary coffee before he saddled his horse,  while I stumbled around readying myself and EK for a small road trip to help a friend work his cattle.

I never have made much of a hand in the cattle working department, and now since I have EK (whom one of his friends has nicknamed Sticker.  He says she’s like a little cactus and once she sticks to you…..well, I don’t remember exactly how it goes, but you probably get the idea.)  Anyway, since I have EK, I’m completely exempt from working at these cattle gatherings.  I wear shorts and flip flops and hang out holding the baby.

After the day of cattle work, and getting my car from the shop, and visiting with my mom for a while, we loaded up the baby and  drove to Amarillo that evening.  Since we’re die-hard romantics, we figured we might as well celebrate a little.  So we grabbed some supper and ordered extra egg rolls at Pei Wei, which I pronounce Pee Wee and Jason insists its Pay Way.  Just another petty argument which has helped make the past 8 years blissful.

I’m sure he’s right since he usually is.

No really.
He usually is.

Then we stopped at Starbuck’s for a frappuccino (mine with whipped cream, his without) before heading home and straight to bed for me and EK.  He probably fell asleep in his chair watching Monty Walsh.  Then there came a heck of a rainstorm in the night.

 

me and my honey

And that’s our life.

I raise my frappuccino to simply enjoying morning coffees, spending time smelling cattle hair burning, fussing over how to pronounce a word, rainstorms, falling asleep in the recliner, and of course our little Sticker,  who is bringing our marriage and our ability to love to an entirely different dimension.

I’m so blessed.

 

 

4 months

Dearest Emma Kate,

Happy 4 month birthday baby!!

Oh my gosh, you are so fun!  Here lately, it seems like everyday you are learning new things.

You started out this month rolling over for Janelle, your babysitter.  You did it three times in a row, from your belly (which you have learned to accept a bit more) to your back.  She got it on video which is a good thing, since no one else has ever seen you do it.  It was as if you decided you accomplished that, so you were moving on to bigger and better things.  Which of course is spitting.

You discovered you can stick your tongue out of your mouth, and that if you blow out while your tongue is out, you can produce lots and lots of spit bubbles.

Also, it’s been decided by your Grandy and a few others that you are teething, and yes, in fact there is a sharp little tooth on bottom that we can feel.  And then it goes away.  And then it comes back.  Then it goes away.  It can’t quite decide what it wants to do.  It hasn’t bothered you too badly, you mostly are just chewing away on anything you can get in your mouth and slobbering a bunch.  Grandy wants me to write it in the baby book, but I think I’ll wait until I can actually see it.

 

Just 2 days ago, you rolled from your back to your belly.  It’s your new favorite thing to do.  Quite frankly, you are wearing your mama out with it because you don’t remember how to roll from your belly to your back.  So, you get on your belly, act mighty proud of yourself, think it’s fun for about 1 minute, then you start to fuss when you can’t figure out how to get out of that predicament.  So I put you back on your back, just so you can roll over, act proud, then fuss some more.  Back when I was a little girl, there was a “Say no to drugs” ad campaign.  I remember a commercial on TV of a man walking around the perimeter of an empty white room.  He would say, “I work, so I can make money, so I can buy cocaine, so I can work, so I can make money, so I can buy cocaine, so I can work…….”  Here’s my version of your commercial.  “Mama lays me on my back, so I can roll on my belly, so I can cry, so Mama lays me on my back, so I can roll on my belly, so I can cry……”  Yep, Emma Kate, that’s how we spend our days until I say “ENOUGH!” and put you in your swing for awhile.

You’ve had such a busy month.  You took your first outing with dad to check cows, and you went to your first ranch rodeo with dad and stayed out until 1:00 in the morning!!!  I’m sure those cowboys just couldn’t get enough of you! You also attended your first birthday party.

You have learned how to laugh and it is music to our ears.

Just today you discovered our cowdog Grace.  You’ve met her before, but hadn’t really noticed her until now.  She’s kind of a crydoggy when she gets all excited when humans are around.  Oh boy, you thought her crying was hysterical.  You were laughing up a storm at that silly doggy.  So of course we encourage it.  You love outdoors and animals, and I have a feeling your going to be a mover and a shaker.  Only time will tell as your personality peeks out more and more.

Emmer, (that’s what your daddy has taken to calling you, which is pretty neat since your Great Grandpa called your Great Grandma Imogene that as well), you are the light of our life,

the twinkle in our eye,

the jump in our jack,

the blue in our sky.

Today your daddy said you are probably the most loved child in the world.  There might come a day that you don’t feel loved at all, because we all experience those feelings from time to time.  Please know our love for you is big.  So big.  Huge big.  Bigger than Hog Eyes and Sauerkraut Mississippi.  That’s a game me and your grandpa used to play.  I can’t wait to teach it to you.

I look forward to this next month Emma, because in just 3 days, school will end and more time with you will begin.

XOXO,

Mama

Mother’s Day #1

I got a new camera lens for Mother’s Day along with a salad spinner ( my request) and a bouquet of flowers.

I spent the car trip home from Lubbock playing with my new lens, capturing images of J-Dub driving, EK sleeping, Ashy posing, and maybe an accidental shot of the dials on the dashboard.

Afterwards I reviewed the pictures on my camera and found myself scrolling back. Farther and farther back, on this first Mother’s Day, back through the weeks and months. All the way back to January 28th at 4:20 when the doctor tugged a crying baby from my bulging abdomen after a very long and difficult labor that ended with a C-section.

Then my precious, post term, 7 lb baby was whisked to the NICU where the premature, sick babies go.  The place where I was told when I could touch my baby, that I couldn’t nurse my baby, and where I felt completely helpless.

My heart is so tender remembering that day. I feel anger and I feel sadness all rolled together in a snowball of grief.

As I scroll back through the photos, I’m so thankful to remember.
To remember how tiny she was, how different her hair laid, how red the little mark on her nose appeared, how wrinkled her skinny little fingers were.

Oh my goodness how I love her.

How I miss her tiny newborn self.

How fortunate I am to have her.

Although I can’t take all the credit, being her mom is the best thing I’ve ever done, the greatest gift I’ve ever been given, the most important job I’ll ever have.

To all the mothers out there…….I finally get it.

And it’s incredible.

3 months

My Dearest, Darling Emma Kate,

You’re growing up much too quickly.  You’re no longer a tiny little baby but a whooping 12 pound 6 ounce three-month old.

I’ve had to put away your little newborn sized clothes, and it nearly broke my heart.  I can’t believe how tiny you used to be.   You’ve almost outgrown some of your 0-3 months already!  Slow down!

You are holding your head up mighty fine these days and you like sitting up big and tall and looking around the world.  You are tolerating your tummy time much better and will last about 3 minutes instead of 20 seconds before starting to complain.

You are reaching and grabbing now.  You hold onto my shirt while nursing, you hold on to your clothes if you can get them.  You try to help put your pacifier in your mouth, which I think you are becoming much too fond of, by the way!  You’ve started grabbing fistfuls of my hair and I have to pry your little hand loose. I’m careful not to wear dangly earrings around you for fear of the pain you may cause when you grab ahold  and yank.

You love the book “Pete the Cat. I Love My White Shoes”.

 

It makes you grin big, as do many other things.  You are quite the smiler these days and your smiles melt our hearts.  Especially when you give that bashful one where you close your eyes and duck your head.  So cute!!!

You are drooling like crazy and sucking on your fingers and fists so much you’ve sucked little red places on your knuckles.

This has been a big month for you.  I had to go back to work when you were almost 11 weeks old and you began staying with a babysitter every day.  You’ve tolerated that so well.   I think of you all day long while I’m working and can’t wait until 4:00 to get my hands on you again.  I’m looking so forward to when school’s out so we can be together all day again.

You are my everything, little one.  Words cannot describe the love I feel for you.  Always know this.  Always know how much you are loved, no matter what.

XOXO,

Mommy

I feel like whining

T minus 10 hours before the clock tolls April 13th. The day I dread. The day I must return to work and leave my baby with a sitter. The diaper bag is packed with everything possibly needed from a change of clothes to a snot sucker. The bottles of pumped breast milk are made with me having not a clue if it’s too much or not enough.

I know she’ll be fine.
I know I’m not the only mother that has ever walked this path.
But it doesn’t make it any easier.
It’s only 7 weeks. That’s what I keep telling myself. 33 days till summer vacation.
But it doesn’t make it any easier.

I have relished the past eleven weeks. Basked in the time I’ve had to hold her and nurse her. Rock her and nap with her. Play with her and love her.

It’s only 7 weeks. 33 days.

But still this mama’s heart is sad.

A Better World

I  think I’m officially a mommy blogger, as all my posts of late center around my baby.

But how can you blame me?  She has yet to lose that new baby smell as my husband jokingly says.

She is my obsession.
She will always be my obsession.

She is sleeping in my arms as I type, and oh, if only you could smell her!  She’s scrubbed clean, dressed for church, and doesn’t smell like sour milk.  Who knows if we’ll actually make it to church.  It’s so easy to hold her and let the minutes tick past, as if there is nothing more important than this.  Is there?

I find myself struggling with that very thing.  I must now make a conscious effort to find balance, especially in other relationships. I must give my loved ones some attention too.  They’re being neglected I feel.

A mother is a true servant to her children, sacrificing her time, food, showers, make-up, and all kinds of other previously thought important things to meet the needs of her babies.  We are called to be servants to everyone, just as Jesus Christ came to be a servant o all.  If only I could show love to every human being I encounter as much as I show love to this baby in my arms.  After all, isn’t love “action” rather than “feeling”?

I challenge myself to this greater love for others and it is HARD for me.  But I desperately need the world to be a better place for this darling girl to grow up in.  We CAN make a difference in someone’s life.  Let’s all try, okay?

For her.
And all the others.

 

2 months

My dear Emma Kate,

You are two months old already!  Time is zipping past.  I can’t hardly stand it.  I’m cherishing every day I have with you.   The biggest piece of advice I get from other moms is to not blink and take lots of pictures because you’ll be grown before I know it.  They aren’t lying either.    You are surely growing fast.

Today at the doctor you weighed 11 pounds 4 ounces.  You’ve gained 4 pounds  since birth.  Thats about an ounce a day.  You were whopping 23 inches  long.  Your growth chart shows you to be in the 75th percentile, which means only 25% of other 2 month olds are longer.  Me and your daddy can’t figure out where you got your longness.  If you keep it up, you won’t have to stand on the front row of your class pictures like your dad and I always did.

You are becoming much more vocal.  That’s mommy’s nice way of saying you’ve started having crying jags!  They’re not bad at all, but sometimes you begin to cry and we don’t know what’s wrong.  But you eventually settle down, and are your happy little self again.

This month you visited both Ruidoso, NM and Tahlequah, OK to meet kinfolk.  You stayed with babysitters for the first time ever.  The first one being you Aunt Linette who kept you while your daddy and I went for a walk together.  You’ve also stayed with your Grand about 4 times now.  So far, that’s going real well.  Mama only has 2 weeks left before she returns to work and it’s going to be so hard leaving you every day.  But the evening time will be ours.  We will cuddle, and hug, and kiss, and play.  And then summertime will be here and we’ll have all day together again.

We’ve been spending some time outdoors since the Spring weather has come.  You have no interest at all in the chickens, or horses, or dogs, even though they are real interested in you.  Drew and Grace want to smell you and lick you and find out who you are.  The chickens think you’re some kind of treat I’m bringing out to them, and the horses just think it’s feeding time too.

You still smile like a champion and are making some pretty high pitched squeals that will soon turn into laughs.  You hate being on your tummy, but Mama makes you have tummy time everyday anyway.  It’s good for you.

You get a nightly massage after your bath and I love that sweet time with you.  I think you like it too, except you’re pretty ticklish on your belly.  Even though your daddy said it would never happen, you are sleeping with us in the bed, but you’re not sleeping through the night yet.

The Bible says children are a reward from the Lord. A reward!!! I don’t know what we did to get a prize like you, but I thank God for you everyday!

We love you more than you can ever know.

XOXO,

Mama

Shots.

In two short days, my baby girl has to get her 2 month shots.

Oh, how I dread it.  To the very core.

She’s oblivious.  She doesn’t know what is up ahead.  But I do.

She is content and happy, living in her little 2 month world.  Trusting her mama and daddy to take care of her, without a worry in the world, unsuspecting of what is to come.  I want to prepare her.  I’ve tried telling her about it, reassuring her that it won’t last long, that everything will be okay, that it’s not meant to harm her, but it’s to protect her in the future.  But she doesn’t understand my language.    I want to avoid this necessary evil.  But I know she needs it.

When my old cowdog Fancy had to be put to sleep, I couldn’t stand it.  It was the best thing for her, as she was in a lot of pain.  My mother and I took her to the vet, and as much as I wanted to stay and pet her head while the needle was injected, I just couldn’t bear it.  I left the exam room and cried in the waiting room instead.  It was just too much.  My mom stayed with her as she closed her big, brown, trusting eyes for good.  I wish now I would have stayed with her, letting her know I was there.

With EK, I want to escape as well.  I want her dad to stay with her and I would rather wait in the waiting room and not witness her going through the pain.  But I would never leave her.  I will endure her cries, and hold her tight, and comfort her.

We are told in the Bible that we cannot know God’s thoughts.  Isaiah 55:8 My thoughts are not your thoughts.  Neither are your ways, my ways, declares the Lord.  But sometimes, I believe He allows us, in our mortality, to experience small, ever so minute glimpses of His ways.

He, as our Heavenly Father, sees the big picture.  He knows what is coming our way.  He knows our tomorrow and the days after that.  He too wants to protect us from the pain and discomfort of our “shots”, but perhaps it is better for us in the long run to experience them now.  When we receive word of death of a close one, or a troubling diagnosis, or loss of a job, or relationship, we are rattled, shaken, and upset.  We don’t understand why it happened, but God does, and also why it needed to happen.    We may be caught off guard, but He never is.  And perhaps He too tried to prepare us.  Maybe He spoke to us, told us it wouldn’t last long, that it will all be okay, that it is not for harm, but for our good. But we don’t always understand His language.   He doesn’t abandon us to wait in the waiting room.  He holds us close, speaks comfort and wipes every tear from our eye.

What an awesome Father we have.

My grandmother had this photograph framed and hanging in her bedroom for as long as I could remember.  It is from the local newspaper in 1976.

The caption read “Mrs. Anne Briggs holds Angel’s hand while she gets her immunization shots.  Angel looks nervous but didn’t cry.  RN Berlinda Leyba of Texas State Department of Health gave shots.” 

Maybe EK will have a little of her mama in her and handle her shots well also.

If you will, send up a prayer for her.  And for me.