Tag Archives: Life

Day 1: Reporting In

I consider today my first day on the job as an official SAHM.

I was tired by 9:30.

Last week was actually the first week of summer vacation, but my sister and her two rug rats drove down from New Mexico and spent the week with us.  So, of course, the house didn’t get cleaned, boxes from my classroom didn’t get put away, and EK was not on a schedule (as if she’s ever been).  J-Dub also had some family drive in for the weekend, so I can assure you EK was extremely neglected with all the company.  But now the aunts and cousins have all returned to their normal routines, and the baby and I are trying to find our normal routine, if one even exists.

This is my favorite picture as of now.

Tomorrow I’m sure I’ll have another.

I love this picture because that is the image of the baby of my dreams.  A calm, quite, studious daughter who can be found with her nose in a book.

My mom bought EK these 12 little Disney board books. We began reading and EK took the book and put it in a perfect hold.  I had to take a quick snap with the camera, as it didn’t last long.

For the past 4 months, we’ve wondered what kind of a kid EK is going to be.  What kind of an adult?  What kind of a an overall human being.  As much as I’d love to snuggle up in bed on Saturday and read books together, I’m beginning to get the feeling she isn’t going to want to be still for very long.

I know you have all said she has been alert since the day she was born, and it’s true.  Even now, she won’t hardly sleep because she’s afraid she’s going to miss something.  Nursing is beginning to present yet another challenge as she pops her head up and looks around at the slightest sound.  Even snapping her picture while she naps awakens her.

She kicks her little legs  fiercely and pedals a million miles a day on her imaginary bicycle.

She’s a little roly poly now too as she’s learned how to roll across the room.  I lay her on her blanket, leave the room for 1 minute (I swear) and she’s across the room chewing on the vacuum cleaner cord.

I’ve spent my first day as a SAHM trying to clean the floors since she’s on the move.  Because you see, I have this shedding problem.  It’s my hair.  It comes out in GOBS.  It’s probably an undiagnosed medical condition of some sort, and it is totally gross when you pick up your baby and have to grab long brown hair out of her wet little fists and off her wet little chin.  I know…..Grody, Gross, Gross.

On the bright side, I’m looking forward to the weight loss when I’m chasing her around the house.
A girl can dream anyway, can’t she?

On the go or sleeping, she’s a dollbaby.  That’s all there is to it.  Her personality is beginning to emerge and even if she isn’t that calm, quiet, studious child; she’s mine.

And I couldn’t be happier.

Mother’s Day #1

I got a new camera lens for Mother’s Day along with a salad spinner ( my request) and a bouquet of flowers.

I spent the car trip home from Lubbock playing with my new lens, capturing images of J-Dub driving, EK sleeping, Ashy posing, and maybe an accidental shot of the dials on the dashboard.

Afterwards I reviewed the pictures on my camera and found myself scrolling back. Farther and farther back, on this first Mother’s Day, back through the weeks and months. All the way back to January 28th at 4:20 when the doctor tugged a crying baby from my bulging abdomen after a very long and difficult labor that ended with a C-section.

Then my precious, post term, 7 lb baby was whisked to the NICU where the premature, sick babies go.  The place where I was told when I could touch my baby, that I couldn’t nurse my baby, and where I felt completely helpless.

My heart is so tender remembering that day. I feel anger and I feel sadness all rolled together in a snowball of grief.

As I scroll back through the photos, I’m so thankful to remember.
To remember how tiny she was, how different her hair laid, how red the little mark on her nose appeared, how wrinkled her skinny little fingers were.

Oh my goodness how I love her.

How I miss her tiny newborn self.

How fortunate I am to have her.

Although I can’t take all the credit, being her mom is the best thing I’ve ever done, the greatest gift I’ve ever been given, the most important job I’ll ever have.

To all the mothers out there…….I finally get it.

And it’s incredible.

I’m so giddy, I can’t think of a title

My little 3 month old, EK, just left with her daddy to go check yearlings and feed horses.  They’ll be gone a couple of hours. Checking yearlings consists of driving through the pasture, feeding the young cows, counting them as they line up to eat, and looking them over good to check for sickness as they have been recently weaned from their mamas and have now entered the world of independence. They’re like teenagers, J-Dub would say.

Not yearlings, but cows in a cake line
Not yearlings, but cows in a cake line

I love my little EK with all my heart and soul, I mean who wouldn’t love this face,

but I can’t help but confess that I’m just a little bit giddy right now.

I mean I have 2 hours!  Two hours to myself!  Two hours to myself at home! What shall I do?

Obviously I’m going to blog.
And I’m NOT going to clean.
I might do a little exercise tape, as I have developed quite the extra large size.
I might sit in the yard and listen to the birds chirping and have a glass of tea.
Maybe I’ll read some of the 3rd Hunger Games book that I started weeks ago and haven’t picked up since.  I’ll have to start over since it’s been so long.
Maybe I’ll take a walk with Drew and Grace.
Or I might go pet a chicken.
Or take a nap.
Maybe I’ll just go sit on the potty and take my time without feeling rushed or worrying about interruptions!

2 hours. Um, an hour and a half.  All to myself.
Maybe I’ll waste it all figuring out what to do.

I’m giddy.

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under the trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of water or watching the clouds float across the sky is by no means a waste of time.” Unknown

3 months

My Dearest, Darling Emma Kate,

You’re growing up much too quickly.  You’re no longer a tiny little baby but a whooping 12 pound 6 ounce three-month old.

I’ve had to put away your little newborn sized clothes, and it nearly broke my heart.  I can’t believe how tiny you used to be.   You’ve almost outgrown some of your 0-3 months already!  Slow down!

You are holding your head up mighty fine these days and you like sitting up big and tall and looking around the world.  You are tolerating your tummy time much better and will last about 3 minutes instead of 20 seconds before starting to complain.

You are reaching and grabbing now.  You hold onto my shirt while nursing, you hold on to your clothes if you can get them.  You try to help put your pacifier in your mouth, which I think you are becoming much too fond of, by the way!  You’ve started grabbing fistfuls of my hair and I have to pry your little hand loose. I’m careful not to wear dangly earrings around you for fear of the pain you may cause when you grab ahold  and yank.

You love the book “Pete the Cat. I Love My White Shoes”.

 

It makes you grin big, as do many other things.  You are quite the smiler these days and your smiles melt our hearts.  Especially when you give that bashful one where you close your eyes and duck your head.  So cute!!!

You are drooling like crazy and sucking on your fingers and fists so much you’ve sucked little red places on your knuckles.

This has been a big month for you.  I had to go back to work when you were almost 11 weeks old and you began staying with a babysitter every day.  You’ve tolerated that so well.   I think of you all day long while I’m working and can’t wait until 4:00 to get my hands on you again.  I’m looking so forward to when school’s out so we can be together all day again.

You are my everything, little one.  Words cannot describe the love I feel for you.  Always know this.  Always know how much you are loved, no matter what.

XOXO,

Mommy

2 months

My dear Emma Kate,

You are two months old already!  Time is zipping past.  I can’t hardly stand it.  I’m cherishing every day I have with you.   The biggest piece of advice I get from other moms is to not blink and take lots of pictures because you’ll be grown before I know it.  They aren’t lying either.    You are surely growing fast.

Today at the doctor you weighed 11 pounds 4 ounces.  You’ve gained 4 pounds  since birth.  Thats about an ounce a day.  You were whopping 23 inches  long.  Your growth chart shows you to be in the 75th percentile, which means only 25% of other 2 month olds are longer.  Me and your daddy can’t figure out where you got your longness.  If you keep it up, you won’t have to stand on the front row of your class pictures like your dad and I always did.

You are becoming much more vocal.  That’s mommy’s nice way of saying you’ve started having crying jags!  They’re not bad at all, but sometimes you begin to cry and we don’t know what’s wrong.  But you eventually settle down, and are your happy little self again.

This month you visited both Ruidoso, NM and Tahlequah, OK to meet kinfolk.  You stayed with babysitters for the first time ever.  The first one being you Aunt Linette who kept you while your daddy and I went for a walk together.  You’ve also stayed with your Grand about 4 times now.  So far, that’s going real well.  Mama only has 2 weeks left before she returns to work and it’s going to be so hard leaving you every day.  But the evening time will be ours.  We will cuddle, and hug, and kiss, and play.  And then summertime will be here and we’ll have all day together again.

We’ve been spending some time outdoors since the Spring weather has come.  You have no interest at all in the chickens, or horses, or dogs, even though they are real interested in you.  Drew and Grace want to smell you and lick you and find out who you are.  The chickens think you’re some kind of treat I’m bringing out to them, and the horses just think it’s feeding time too.

You still smile like a champion and are making some pretty high pitched squeals that will soon turn into laughs.  You hate being on your tummy, but Mama makes you have tummy time everyday anyway.  It’s good for you.

You get a nightly massage after your bath and I love that sweet time with you.  I think you like it too, except you’re pretty ticklish on your belly.  Even though your daddy said it would never happen, you are sleeping with us in the bed, but you’re not sleeping through the night yet.

The Bible says children are a reward from the Lord. A reward!!! I don’t know what we did to get a prize like you, but I thank God for you everyday!

We love you more than you can ever know.

XOXO,

Mama

Shots.

In two short days, my baby girl has to get her 2 month shots.

Oh, how I dread it.  To the very core.

She’s oblivious.  She doesn’t know what is up ahead.  But I do.

She is content and happy, living in her little 2 month world.  Trusting her mama and daddy to take care of her, without a worry in the world, unsuspecting of what is to come.  I want to prepare her.  I’ve tried telling her about it, reassuring her that it won’t last long, that everything will be okay, that it’s not meant to harm her, but it’s to protect her in the future.  But she doesn’t understand my language.    I want to avoid this necessary evil.  But I know she needs it.

When my old cowdog Fancy had to be put to sleep, I couldn’t stand it.  It was the best thing for her, as she was in a lot of pain.  My mother and I took her to the vet, and as much as I wanted to stay and pet her head while the needle was injected, I just couldn’t bear it.  I left the exam room and cried in the waiting room instead.  It was just too much.  My mom stayed with her as she closed her big, brown, trusting eyes for good.  I wish now I would have stayed with her, letting her know I was there.

With EK, I want to escape as well.  I want her dad to stay with her and I would rather wait in the waiting room and not witness her going through the pain.  But I would never leave her.  I will endure her cries, and hold her tight, and comfort her.

We are told in the Bible that we cannot know God’s thoughts.  Isaiah 55:8 My thoughts are not your thoughts.  Neither are your ways, my ways, declares the Lord.  But sometimes, I believe He allows us, in our mortality, to experience small, ever so minute glimpses of His ways.

He, as our Heavenly Father, sees the big picture.  He knows what is coming our way.  He knows our tomorrow and the days after that.  He too wants to protect us from the pain and discomfort of our “shots”, but perhaps it is better for us in the long run to experience them now.  When we receive word of death of a close one, or a troubling diagnosis, or loss of a job, or relationship, we are rattled, shaken, and upset.  We don’t understand why it happened, but God does, and also why it needed to happen.    We may be caught off guard, but He never is.  And perhaps He too tried to prepare us.  Maybe He spoke to us, told us it wouldn’t last long, that it will all be okay, that it is not for harm, but for our good. But we don’t always understand His language.   He doesn’t abandon us to wait in the waiting room.  He holds us close, speaks comfort and wipes every tear from our eye.

What an awesome Father we have.

My grandmother had this photograph framed and hanging in her bedroom for as long as I could remember.  It is from the local newspaper in 1976.

The caption read “Mrs. Anne Briggs holds Angel’s hand while she gets her immunization shots.  Angel looks nervous but didn’t cry.  RN Berlinda Leyba of Texas State Department of Health gave shots.” 

Maybe EK will have a little of her mama in her and handle her shots well also.

If you will, send up a prayer for her.  And for me.

 

All Her Parts

 

Our baby girl turned 8 weeks old yesterday.

People say she’s tiny, but she’s already grown so much to me.

 

 

I tried to capture her in all her little 8 week oldness.  She’s changing so much, so quickly.

 

 

Her daddy’s in love with her side profile.  And all the rest of her too.

 

 

I’m in love with her eyelashes.  And all the rest of her too.

 

 

A friend said it best.  “We couldn’t have ordered one better.”

 

Thank you God for our Emma Kate.  All of her.

 

 

Just Emma

Eat, sleep, poop, repeat.

Our days   zoom past.

Eat, sleep, poop, repeat.

And I’m not just talking about EK either.

Eat, sleep, poop, repeat.

Sometimes in addition to the aforementioned, we take pictures.

And on occasion, I’ll get a request from a family member for more pictures of EK.

They pretty much all look the same.  EK is either sleeping or awake.

This past weekend my niece, Ash, decided to play photographer.   Inspired by my friend Lacee who recently crammed my baby in a  bucket and took some amazing pictures, Ash tried to reenact the same look, with some decent results like the one below.

 

I must go now.

One of us needs to eat, sleep, or poop.

And I’m not saying who.

Celebrate Good Times

My little traveler has already visited 3 states in her six short weeks of being alive.  She’s practically a world traveler.

Her first trip was to the Green Country of  Northeastern Oklahoma to visit her Okie relatives. Mainly this sweet great-grandmother who just so happens to share her birthday.

There’s only a mere 94 years difference in their ages.

We attended a wedding and EK put on a skirt, or rather a tutu, for the first time in her little life.


One shoe on and one shoe off.   Sounds like a nursery rhyme.

It was her first outing besides doctor checkups and of course, we forgot the diaper bag.  And of course, we needed the diaper bag.

 

This past Saturday, we celebrated more birthdays.  I turned 37, and EK turned 6 weeks old.  We celebrated with chocolate cake and tall glasses of whole milk while visiting more relatives in the mountains of New Mexico.

We sat by a crackling fire and watched the pine branches grow heavy with wet, fluffy snow and enjoyed good food and great hosts.

And now we’re back in the Lone Star State, nailing our feet to the prairie grasses.